After I learned the truth about my birth mother and family, I did not want to talk about it any more. I had to find a way within myself to deal with it. My mom would asked me a few times was I okay and did I want to talk. She stepped back and gave me time and space to work through it which was probably very hard for her. But this was my journey to take.

Does the pain and grief go away? No, but you learn to move along as do others when they are faced with losing a loved one. The grief that I feel of not knowing my older brother could easily consume me, if I made that choice. The truth is, it is what it is and I cannot change things so I must move on. Yes, the grief will always be part of me (as are the other people I have lost like my adoptive grandparents, my beloved aunt, cousins, etc.) but it is not who I am.

Is there a right way to tell an adoptee why she was placed up for adoption? No…Maybe, I think it is different with each adoptee. I do believe that you must be honest to the adoptee. I am not saying that you should tell an 8 year old child that his birth mother could not be a parent because she was pregnant at the age of 15 or that she was a drug addict. At a younger age it is probably best to keep it very basic. You as the mom will know when your child is ready to know more or the adopted child will ask you for more details when he is ready.

Adoptees do have the right to know about the birth mother, family, and their beginning in this world. Even if their past is painful and could be difficult to handle, it is their past. I do understand that some facts may need to be told when they are adults.

More reading:

Adoptees Feelings and Question of “Why”, When the Beginning is not Perfect

Adoptee and the Question of “Why

Sunshine and Lollipops