While not all adoptees have to face dark things and secrets from their past, some adoptees are not so fortunate. When the truth about adoptees past is dark and will bring them great pain should they know? While some adoptees do have deep dark secrets that people want to ignore for a number of reasons. I do not think ignore them in most cases it is meant to hurt an adoptee. Really, it is probably the opposite. We do not want to cause the people we love what may seem like unbearable pain.

I think there is fear that some adoptees will take on some type of ownership to the dark past from the birth families even if they had no choice in the events that caused the dark problems of the past. Adoptees are no different than other children in most ways, for the most part just because they have come from a trouble past does not mean they are destined to walk in those same shoes. Aaron, an adoptee has not become like his birth father and killed anyone. I came from a birth family of drugs, violence, alcoholism, and other secrets, but they are not part of my life.

I know plenty of people adopted and not adopted that have come from trouble backgrounds with dark secrets whirling around. There are a couple of bloggers here that have shared their stories of trouble pasts and they have not let them become their destiny. Children that do have to experience or live a life with the secrets have a harder chance getting beyond it, but it can be done.

Knowing the truth even along with the dark secrets can be helpful to an adoptee even with the pain that may come. There are some secrets of adoption that some people do not want to think about but that does not mean they do not exist. With the shame of a pregnancy coming from a rape, incest, prostitution, not knowing the father, etc can be where some of the darkest secrets rest. Yes, some adoptions have come from these circumstances.

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More reading:

Rape/Incest & Adopted Child: When Should I Tell?

Adoption, Adoptees and Reality

Protecting Adoptees Past Information