A knock on the door and in front of you stands a stranger or stangers calling themselves your family, it can be overwhelming if you are not prepared for it. Yes, the people may be your birth family, but at that point they are strangers to you.

One response is to be happy and hope to build a relationship with them. Some adoptees will have these feelings. Maybe they have prepared themselves for contact with the birth family. If an adoptee has been searching for his or her birth family, this could be a good surprise for him or her. This could be the beginning to a great start in building a relationship with your birth family.

Another response can be a shock or even to close the door and run away. If an adoptee is not ready for contact, this can send an adoptee running in the opposite direction. Easing into making contact can be better until you know how the other parts feel about the reunion. It is a strange feeling to hear people talk like they are your family and you do not have a clue to who they are. When strangers talk like they have known you all your life and they know details of your life, it can be a little scary. The important thing is not to allow people to push you into something you are not ready for.

"Your first response may be what do these people want from me?" Allowing contact when, and in what way you feel comfortable is the only way to have successful contact with your birth family can work. Most birth families will respect your wishes and do not mean to overwhelm an adoptee. If you by chance have a birth family that will not give you the space you need, or they are doing things that make you uncomfortable, then you may need to end the contact at this time until all parties have time to work through their feelings or concerns. This does not mean that at a later date you can make contact again without all of these issues again.

Related posts from adoptee and adoption search blogs:

Adoptees Preparing for Contact or to Search for Birth Families

Triad Members who don't want contact