Each adoptee will have different views, thoughts, and opinions, very strong ones at that about their birth families. For one person searching for his or her birth family can be everything and another person does not have any interest in contact with his or her birth families. As adoptees we all have different needs, desires, and beliefs, about our adoption and our birth family. We all have the right to different feelings and ways that we choose to deal or not to deal with our adoption and birth families. Our differences do not make one of us right and the other one wrong.

There are adoptees who are content, happy and at peace with not having contact or searching for their birth families. Is there something wrong with them because they do not have the desire to have contact with their birth families? This is absolutely not true about adoptees. Why do some people think that if an adoptee feels this way, that they have not dealt with their feelings about being adopted, they are in denial, or that something is wrong with them?

I am concerned that some people feel the need to project their own personal beliefs and thoughts about adoptees, birth families, and an adoptee’s overall feelings about adoption. Even the general public does not have a problem asking personal questions of adoptees and their birth families. They do not have a problem telling an adoptee what they think about the adoptee’s choices and beliefs.

I have dealt with people questioning why I have chosen not to have any contact with my birth family. They would continue questioning my thoughts and then telling me their thoughts about me and my adoption and everything in between. I do not understand why it is so hard for people to understand that an adoptee may not feel the desire, or need, to have contact with their birth family and why it has to be viewed as something negative.

You may not understand or agree with the decision that each adoptee makes. He or she needs to feel supported for making the choice that he or she feels is right.

Related posts from our Korea Adoption blog:
- My Korean Family
- My Son's Korean Family