Do not set yourself up for disappointment when you are making contact with your birth family. Do not go in thinking it will be what you have been dreaming about, and it will be blissfully happy. It is best to go thinking that there will be bumps along the road and do not set expectations too high. You may be pleasantly surprised and it may be end up being your dream. It is easier when we do not add the stress of dreams and high expectations in the beginning of the relationships or when contact begins.

There are a lot of birth mothers that gave their children up for adoption for reasons that are clearly way out of their control, or they were just not prepared to care of a child at that point in their lives. A large part of adoptions fall under these circumstances.

There are adoptees that are products of rape or incest, and this may be the greatest reason their birth mothers placed them up for adoption. So, on the other hand when you start your search for your birth family, this can be a possibility. This will not affect most adoptees but it is a reality. The adoptee that has found that they were the product of rape or incest probably did not even think about it, or think it could happen to him or her.

Nobody knows what they will find out, or learn about themselves in their journey of finding their family. A large number of reunions have happy outcomes for all involved. That does not mean there are not issues or problems that will need to be addressed. In every relationship we have, it takes work, desire, and understanding. This relationship is no different, you need to realize that you may face some differences of opinions. Your birth mother may not want you to have contact with your birth father, or that one of you wants more than the other one can give.

Related articles at adoption.com:

Two Mothers Who Call Me 'Son'

Not the Fairy Tale I Had Imagined