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I always thought that one day I could have some sort of relationship with my birth siblings that were not adopted. The thought is that siblings will always be connected and have some sort of feelings towards their birth siblings. The truth is that it is not always the case.
You can talk and read about adoptees trying to connect with their siblings. You will find that some do not connect, or even want contact with their siblings. Reunions do not always end as most people paint them out to be (the “happily ever after”).
My half sister has chosen not to have a relationship with my sister and myself. Mainly because she feels that it is too painful for her mother since she could not accept the kind of relationship we needed. Funny, how I refer to my birth mother as my half sister’s mother, but the truth is that I do not want the mother-daughter connection with her. Granted that was not what I was even hoping for when I made contact with her.
So for me it was all or nothing. Honestly, it does bother me that getting to know me mattered so little to her. She has a right to her choices just as I chose that my birth mother did not have the place as my mother.
Rejection can come from any member of the triad of adoption. Some reasons that we may never know or understand. I have learned that we have to be thankful for the loved ones that are in our lives. Sometimes the past is just the past and does not have a chance in the future.
Siblings are not just formed through blood but by life experiences, time spent together, memories and love. I encourage adoptive parents to help adoptees bond and connect to their siblings through adoption. I believe you have the power to help facilitate this.
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