To look at a gravestone and see what remains of my birth brother is enormously overwhelming. While I knew in my teens of his death, I had never been to his grave. My birth mother has not really talked about him in any detail in our few conversations. It is so strange, I even wrote in journals as a young girl about how I wanted a big brother.

As I walked in the cemetery searching for my brother I did not know how I would feel seeing his grave. Then I see his name, my heart hurt so much. As I touched the cold marble I was with him. I was always under the impression that he had... more

The craziness and roller coaster ride is starting up again here. First I resent feeling summoned by my birth mother. A personal invitation would have felt better. My birth mother wants to set up a get together with me, my sister (adopted with me), herself and our half sister. With things being the way they are between me and my birth mother, makes the thought of this difficult.

Her health is starting to fail her which I assume makes her now decide to change things in some way. I do not know if I want to open myself up for more pain... more

Deciding to search for your birth parents is a very personal decision. The decision has to be for you, and not for anyone else. I am addressing a comment below.

I HAVE WANTED AND CAME SO CLOSE TO TRY AND FIND MY BIRTH PARENTS EVERY TIME I GO TO TRY I CHICKEN OUT DONT KNOW IF ITS ME OR HURTING MY ADOPTED PARENTS WE NEVER TALK ABOUT OUT IT UNLESS SOMEONE ALL OF A SUDDEN BRINGS IT UP THERES TIMES THAT I JUST WANT TO CRAWL IN A HOLE AND CRY BUT I HAVE 3 CHILDREN THAT ARE THE WORLD TO ME THAT SOMEWHAT DO, BUT DONT UNDERSTAND. I LOOK AT THEM AND CANT UNDERSTAND EITHER. THERE... more

My mom (adoptive) taught me how to be a strong independent woman and that I was capable of taking care of myself. As a child, we had a pretty normal mother- daughter relationship. I have wonderful memories of my childhood. I have always been closer to my dad, but I loved my mom to pieces.

As I became an adult our relationship became a little rocky. Probably for a number of reasons that we both share the responsibility for, I am not sure when the problems began. My parents got a divorce and she thought there was no neutral. You were for or against her.

Since this event,... more

Learning Difficult Information - Could it be Easier?

Learning Difficult Information From Adoptive Parents

This is why I, personally, I do not believe in a setting an age for when to tell adoptees the information. Remember we are not talking about discussing being adopted or other basic adoption information what adoptees should know from an early age. Some teens are more mature than their... more

Continued.....

It is kind of like now I am still dealing with this in my own way and time. At this point I do not want to talk about this openly with my family or friends. My husband learned of this by reading my blog, knows me well enough to know that I do not want to discuss it. The only thing he said to me was, “You are a great mother and I glad that you did not have this shadowing you, and making you second guess your mothering ability.” People that know me realize that I need time... more

I have talked about some adoptees learning and dealing with painful secrets from their past. I shared my journey of learning my very painful dark secret from my past. Two questions were asked of me that I took the time to really think about them. These questions do not have an easy answer or would work with every adoptee’s situation. Every adoptee will probably have a very different opinion.

What could have been done differently to ease the pain of learning this information? Would it have been easier coming from your adoptive parents?

In my personal... more

The moment that the phone was hung up from talking with my birth mother, my world seemed to be spinning out of control. I had no idea who I was. I was already in my bedroom. I turned off the lights, and crawled into my bed. The intense emotions hit me like you cannot imagine. I was crying a painful cry not for him, but for myself and my children.

I am not a crying kind of person so when my family sees me cry they worry. I guess I was a little loud in my crying (probably the deep wounded... more

As a child I developed a love of animals that continues to this day. If I had a bad day at school or was just struggling with things, I could be found with my cats, dogs, horse, pet cow, or any other stray animal that I adopted. They are truly what I connected with. With them I did not feel different. When a lot of people know you are adopted and talk about it you can find yourself feeling that way. This is a love that I share with my dad (adoptive).

My parents instilled in me at a young age that I could do anything that I wanted to, and to believe in myself. My parents let me... more

My birth mother shared my dark secret of the past I knew nothing about with me when I was thirty-something. For me, it was a good age to have my world turned upside down. I had been a mother for a decade, a foster mom and adoptive mom before learning any of this. I know after learning that my birth father messed with children sexually (birth mother’s wording), in my wording, he is a predator that raped children, and that I questioned my own parenting abilities.

As some would like us to... more