Most adoptees want to know things about their past and their birth families, which is totally natural and understandable. Kind of like with the adoptee’s birth certificate before adoption, we feel we should have the right to it since it is also a part of our beginning. The beginning of our birth is part of us along with our adoption and everything in between. This is where the sense of you can be found. One side does not tell the entire story or give us all the answers. Our existence is from two different sources, that are different but in some ways very much alike.

Can... more

Some people believe parenting is for a lifetime while others believe it is until they turn 18 year old or become independent. When I hear a parent saying, “I cannot wait until she moves out and my job is done.” I always question statements like these when I hear parents make them. Honestly this is a pet peeve of mine. I thought being a parent was a lifetime commitment not just for a few years.

While I do know that some parents think that when the child (as an adult) moves out that is when their parenting responsibility stops. I think we all need our parents which also includes parenting from time to time at any age. Heck…I am getting close to my forties and I need my parents... more

While I have heard some people (mostly people without an adoption connection) totally disagree with changing a child’s or baby’s name when they are adopted. I was adopted at six weeks old along with my sister a year and a half. When we were adopted our parents decided to keep our first names and change our middle names to a family name.

The thought of keeping part of the given birth name and the adoptive parents adding a name of their own to the adoptee is a nice balance. To keep part of the past while embracing the future is how I see this.

Yes, I have heard that some adoptees are very opposed to have their birth name changed and in some cases change their names back... more

In the past, twins being separated through adoption were something that did happen without thinking about the effect on the twins over the long term. Adoptive parents in most cases did not realize they were adopting a twin and the other twin was being adopted by another family. I wonder how many families would have adopted twins if they had the knowledge that it was even a possibility. How many siblings were separated from their twin because of the adoption agency’s choice? Was it only to allow more couples the chance of parenting through adoption?

An adoptee went in search of her birth mother to find she had... more

We all have our own way to work through difficult things that happen in our lives. The way I have found that works best for me is that I have my little box that I lock things away when they become too much to deal with at that time in my life. This allows me not to be consumed with issues while dealing with them in my own time and place.

When some things seem unbearable or suffocating, then I know that I have to take a step back and lock it away in my little box to face another day. No, this does not make things disappear nor do I believe that. It does allow me time to cope... more

Have you been thinking of searching for your birth mother or maybe you have run into a wall this may be the opportunity for you. ABC’s Wife Swap is hoping to do an episode that would reunite a birth mother and female adoptee. The show would search for your birth mother and both parties would have to agree with the meeting, while participating in the episode.

If you not familiar with the show, two wives switch houses and families for a week. Most families live very different lives and different areas which makes things... more

Anytime you have a loss or go through some sort of grief it takes time to move beyond it or find some peace. The journey of working through your grief will be completely unique to each person. Allowing yourself the time to work through your feelings is very important. Something that may work for one person may not work for you.

We all have to find our own way in working through our grief. Yes, it does take work to get beyond it or find some peace. It can become easy to sit and let your grief consume you while taking over your life. As I have been dealing with things with... more

There are so many things in life we do not expect nor ever see coming, the same is to be said about adoption. Adoption is not the rainbow at the end of a storm. Some people think of adoption or the life as an adoptee as “Annie” the movie, with endless happiness, riches, and don’t forget the wonderful singing ability. While others see adoption or the life as an adoptee as bad, or even horrible, with rejection, something is wrong with her, that she is unloved, etc. For most adoptees neither of these images is the truth. In most cases we are being raised by a parent, or parents that love... more

Facing the Truth in Adoption

I always thought a parent’s love for a child and their relationship should withstand almost anything. I think I will always long for the love of my mom, but I now have to face the fact that it was never there. My mom had a life changing event in her life, moved back home without leaving a forwarding phone number or address for me or my sister. I got the pleasure of finding out everything from my sister (birth daughter) who was reluctant to tell me anything, but that mom... more

Being Adopted When Things Go Wrong

There are times in our lives that we have to face the truth no matter how painful and desperately we do not want to. The truth of the day shadows the moments of the past and uncovering long ago truths that we did not and could not conceive of being the truth. In time the truth does come out, leaving us questioning every moment and memory of our life. Could I have been seeing things with my rose-colored glasses because without them what I saw was too unbearable?... more