[Continued from HERE.] Here are more pitfalls to hop over in parent land...

Sibling Rivalry/Jealously This is such a normal thing, but the adoption factor can add a level if there is an adopted/biological mix in your family. Don’t be surprised though, if the jealousy is not coming from the adoptee child. (... more

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There are some specific pit-falls that I know can lead down the “woe-is-adopted-me” path. Some of these holes that could swallow your adoptee (and you) whole are:

BE HONEST! If you haven’t told your child they were adopted by now, and your child is more than eight years old: DO IT NOW!!! And please, don’t just hand your kid a book and say ‘read this’... more

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Again, the adoption-inspired feeling you probably want for your child is not "different," as from there it is a short hop to "freak." The goal feeling should probably be "similar, but special and unique."

How? Well, maybe it needs to start with a gentle reminder to yourself that your child will have her/his own relationship with their having been adopted, regardless of your intentions for that... more

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Maybe the best way for me to explain exactly what I mean without having it convoluted is to share a little, “hmm, I never knew that about myself” moment with you.

A few months ago a friend introduced me at a small gathering saying, “Hey, everyone, this is Jupe. She’s adopted, too.” My friend is an adoptive parent as well as an adoption advocate, so there is context with the introduction... more

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Sandra Hanks Benoiton, over at the Older Parent and International Adoption blogs, left me a comment at one point in this ‘Issues’ series saying:

“As an adoptive mom, I wonder what I can do to help my kids process their realities without spinning... more

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Yes, after birth, there was adoption, giving us the second leg of our three-legged pot … and the recipient group of this particular post script:

p.p.s. A Note to Adoptive Parents

Apparently, there are plenty of adoptive parents worried because of the emotional impact many blogging adoptees attribute to having been adopted. There is a lot of negativity... more

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It has struck me that many birth parents are determined to punish themselves. This comes out in a variety of ways, from the obvious to the deeply psychological.

There are birth parents that appear to be unable to accept that the child to whom they gave birth they also gave a very good life. Some birth parents seem to resent or completely disbelieve in their child’s happiness instead of... more

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After reading so many blogs by birth parents, it seems to me that many birth parents are, like adoptees, letting issues (topics) turn into issues (problems.) Some have shackled themselves to the past emotionally.

I have read accounts by birth parents who feel persecuted for their decision to allow their child to be adopted and I have read self-persecution not well hidden in the lines of their... more

I’m a regular Dear Abby, probably to an annoying level if the truth be told. In my blogs, however, I have tried not to give specific advice in answer to requests for such. I’m just an adoptee. I have very clear ideas on nearly everything under the sun, but I don’t believe that makes me qualified, necessarily, to give ‘answers’ to any of you … until now.

My last bunch of blogs on ‘Issues and Issues’ found me editing out pages and pages of advice, encouragement and/or some part of a wake-up call to one leg or another... more

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I am touched by the compassion many birth parents, adoptive parents and even adoptees themselves have for the pain experienced by some adoptees, as illustrated on the net. I do worry, however, after reading through the many comments made on the blogs, that the fragile line between support and enabling might have been crossed. Giving a person support when they express their hopes, fears, regrets, problems, etc is important and necessary. There is also a point at which, I believe, the nurturing of a person can change to nurturing self-indulgence...... more