The most hurtful thing that brought home the feeling of second best, or really not even being that, was when I saw a copy of my family tree that other family members had done. I get to the page that my personal family information was on, and there is my name and my sister’s name with the words “adopted” beside them. This happened when I was maybe early twenties (yes, I know it was a long time ago) but still to this day it really brothers me.

I was completely shocked to see that I was not viewed as a member of the family or a person but as “adopted”. That day I learned that... more

The image of adoption being second best in so many ways is a reality. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard this personally or in a conversation concerning adoption; someone says after finding a person is adopted or parenting through adoption says, “So, you couldn’t have children of your own (makes some reference to fertility issues). A reader left a comment on one of my posts referencing to this every thing. Not all adoptive parents adopt because they cannot have children of their own. While couples do look at different options when they learn they are unable to have... more

Unethical Adoption

In life we all have choices and different paths to take in life. It is up to us on which paths we choose and the choices we make in our lives. With our choices there are good and bad outcomes.

We all make choices we regret or second guess after the fact that we have made them. When I was pregnant with my daughter I was having a difficult pregnancy and moved closer to family. I found a doctor that was close to my home. I’ve never been too much of a doctor person, but thought... more

This is in reply to comments left here. When a person goes to an unethical doctor and receives crappy care, or when an insurance company is unethical by taking a month’s payment to provide insurance but at every turn they are denying to pay, do we call for all doctors to stop practicing medicine or that all insurance is stopped. Hmmm….how about a school that treats special needs children unethically with the idea that some children do not deserve an education or punish them because they have a disability (which... more

While I do recognize and understand that there is some coercion involved with adoption even now-a-days, I do not believe it is to the point some people would like the public to believe. Sure there are unethical people involved in adoption but there are unethical people involved in every aspect of our lives from doctors, schools (this one is a huge one), politicians, police, legal services, religion, and even when you purchase things, you can find fraud. Truthfully, I do not know of anything that does not have unethical practices involved somewhere. This is in response to a comment... more

While I have repeatedly stated in the past that I acknowledge and understand that there are some adoptees that are completely against adoption. I am screaming now, “I totally understand that a few adoptees have major issues with adoption or being adopted.” Now, that it is said again, I will respond to a detailed comment against adoption and adoptive parents.

There was a time when young pregnant girls were sent away to have their babies in secret to not bring shame on the families. The girl’s family,... more

National Adoption Day is a very important resource to shine the light on the large number of foster children waiting and hoping to be adopted. It also allows the public to see adoption maybe in a positive light allowing the image of adoption to be changed. National Adoption always falls on the Saturday before Thanksgiving. Thousands (in 2006 – 3300 foster children were adopted) of foster children have their dream come true on this day. These foster children have been given a great gift of a forever family on this special day.

Judges, attorneys, adoption personnel, child welfare agencies all work towards the goal of... more

With November approaching, I find myself thinking of the fast approaching holiday season which will be here before we know it. This is my favorite time of year even with all the business and stress that this time of year brings. I find myself every year reminiscing of the holidays of my childhood remembering all the family festivals and all the cherished thoughts I have of those days. Family time together is what it is all about. These are the moments that cannot be replaced and will be remembered for years to come.

While this year I am dealing with some painful issues I have to lock them away for myself... more

Understanding why things happen in this life is not always easy. I shared my experience of visiting my brother’s grave but was unable to go into great detail because it was so emotional at that point. My oldest daughter went with me but sat in the car while I took this part of my adoption journey alone. It is something that I had to face alone not knowing how I would feel or react facing the reality of life or the end of it.

After some personal time I did ask my daughter if she would like to see my brother’s grave. She asked if he would have been her uncle. And I said yes but somewhat different since we... more

The journey and experiences we go through in life all have meaning. All of things have an impact on the person we become. Even the challenges, losses, and heartbreaks of life teach us lessons.

While I do understand and agree that adoption does have an impact on our life experiences and the person we become, but it should not be only about that. While some adoptees talk about searching for who they are, the truth is this person already exists. Yes, there are pieces of our lives that are missing but does that change your existence?

We all, including people not adopted, go through different points in life searching for who we are or at some point in life we lose sight of... more