For most adoptees, the fantasy of his or her birth family is pretty natural. Most thoughts are just harmless fantasies or maybe a way for a child to deal with being adopted. This by itself does not mean that the child is having serious issues with being adopted. A child could be fantasizing that his or her birth family is not aware that they have been adopted. The thought that he or she was lost by the birth parents, or the birth parents just left him or her for a short time and will come back for them. It is easier for the child to think of than the truth that he or she was given up for adoption. This could last a few days or a couple months until the child is able to come to terms... more

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Is there anything else I could be doing to keep the lines of communication open? I want him to always be able to talk to me about his feelings, no matter the topic and no matter what those feelings are.

I believe the key is to being open about adoption. The more casual and normal you can be when talking about adoption or birth families, would make it easier. That may sound kind of strange but think about when we have “serious talks” , you have a different attitude, feelings and mind set. I am not saying there will not be serious talks about their adoption, at times there will be. I think to open the lines of communication, is keep... more

Some questions were raised from another blog that I have done. So I will post each question and answer below.

You said that you fear "hurting" your dad by raising the topic with him. Has he said anything to give you the impression that talking about the adoption would hurt him, or is this something you pick up on in his body language? Or does he rarely raise the topic itself, giving the impression that the topic might hurt him? I am asking for my own situation because, as an adoptive mother, talking about my son's adoption is not painful. I would hate for him to not talk to me about it to "protect" me from being hurt when; truly, the subject would not hurt me.

There... more

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The second way states things in a way a child will understand and how adoption was presented has a loving and positive view to it. So, think about what you will say, what your child will hear and feel. A little information in the beginning is better, than telling the entire story along with all the details. A little information is a lot for a child to process when learning they are adopted. As they become more comfortable with adoption, maybe waiting until they bring it up and then telling them a little more.

Older teens or even adults that do not know that they are adopted... more

Learning you are adopted can be a very confusing time for a child. Even if the child is aware that they are adopted from an early age, when they reach the age to fully understand, it can also be confusing at that time. Learning this when you are older, can be very damaging with the feelings of living a lie, betrayal, anger, the pain of being lied to by the people that love you and suppose to protect you, can be so painful for one to deal with.

The way and when one is told they are adopted can matter so much and will be something that they always remember. I was around 6 or 7 years old when I learned I was adopted along with my sister. We were visiting our cousin (she was around 8... more

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I have to believe that I will know when the time is right and when my daughter can deal with the horrible facts that she will face. So, I cannot say I will give her the information when she turns 18 years old; she needs to be grounded with herself and in life to deal with the facts.

Even if adoptees are faced with dark secrets or horrible facts concerning their past, or how they came to be, they still have the right to know of their past. No one has the right, to decide what is best for someone else.

The big thing for adoptees in their search for information is not to go in expecting a happy story, go expecting to hear some difficult things. This... more

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It is possible to, as they say open “Pandora’s Box” and things are not what you hoped for and imagined. It also could turn out to be a truly wonderful experience and one where you build a lasting relationship with your birth parents.

My daughter and son that we adopted through foster care came with a file about five inches thick. It starts when CPS came into the picture, ends at their adoption and also has birth family information that is provided to the adoptive parents. My daughter’s facts in the file are very different than her brother’s. For me to read about the past especially my daughter’s was at times more than I could bare, I would have to put... more

Do adoptees have the right to information about their adoption? What if you are an adoptee born in the time when birth mothers where promised, her identity would be protected? What if people know that the information about your past can be very painful for you?

Adoptees have the right to their information just as anyone else does. It is easier to process being adopted when you have an ideal of the beginning of your life. It should not be up to the court system, adoption agencies, or anyone else to decide if it is right for an adoptee to receive information about their adoption and birth parents. Yes, there was a time that it was believed that it would be best for everyone involved... more

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She goes on about seeing my daughter, and that she lives close to my apartment, how she wants to help me with the baby, then steamroll right into my birth mother, and her feelings about my daughter, that she has also being calling the hospital for updates on her, she cannot wait to see her, and on and on. I panic, they seem so obsessed with my daughter. What do they want? I am scared out of my mind at this point and hand the phone to my husband. A few days ago I’m fighting for my life, the life of my daughter and now some strangers were barging into my life. The phone continued ringing and even from other birth family members. I ended up calling my dad and he... more

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In my heart I knew she was meant to be. My husband and I planned on the possibility of me not surviving the birth of my daughter. So, I was faced very day with the emotions of planning my funeral arrangements, how I wanted my daughter raised, who would help my husband raise my daughter, the thought of never seeing my beloved daughter’s face, so many more thoughts and arrangements for me to deal with. The delivery room was filled with doctors, specialist, emergency personal around 15 – 20. Everyone started talking in their medical terms while rushing around the room, bringing at the defibrialtors beside my bed and preparing them. It really sent home at that moment... more