It is so strange to hear people talk about birth mothers and birth families like they are all the same. I do understand that there are a lot of birth mothers that are great mothers. They may have been faced with a pregnancy at a time in their life they could not deal with, that does not mean every birth mother falls under this heading.

When a birth mother was making bad choices (meaning drugs, multiple men, abuse of her children, living with continued violence, in and out of jail, etc.) that may have lead to her placing a child up for adoption and then continues through her life making the same choices. This can change everything for an adoptee; their feelings, relationships, and... more

In life there are boundaries everywhere we go and with all the relationships we have. Each of our friendships have different limits. With our best friend, we may have very open boundaries to the point of not having any, but then, with another friend we may not share or talk with her about our marriage problems or other real personal issues. These are two different boundaries. Boundaries are not negative things. They are necessary. Boundaries allow us to know what to expect with our friends, work environment, school, church, and with all of our relationships.

Parents start to set boundaries with their young children. The children do test those boundaries, but learn to work and accept... more

The feelings of rejection can affect adoptees differently. I imagine it depends on a number of different things such as the type and/or length of rejection. The adoptees' personality and the support and love they received will impact how they deal with the rejection. Every person deals and reacts to things in their own way and this is no different.

I blogged about my feelings of rejection by my older sister (birth child) in the posting Adoptee’s Feelings of Rejection. This has impacted my life and me as a person. I do not allow people to get close to me. This does make some people think I am... more

A fellow adoptee will share her thoughts and meeting her birth mother for the first time. Below are her words and story.

My first visit with my birth mother was very awkward for me. I knew of my birth mother, but I had no idea who was my birth father. I contacted my birth mother to get that information.

I called her, and I set up a time and place to meet her. I decided a restaurant was a good place. Having food in front of you gives you something to do with your hands and does make the awkwardness less apparent.

My birth mother was on time. She was friendly and very apologetic. I had never heard all the information that I was told before that day. My birth... more

The feeling of rejection can be a common feeling among adoptees. The rejection can come from so many different places and at so many different degrees. Does the rejection affect an adoptee? Yes, any rejection affects people.

You most likely will feel rejected by your birth family at some point that does not mean you will always feel this way. Most adoptees work through these feelings on their own. The rejection for some adoptees goes much deeper and can cause them great pain.

Rejection by society can be everywhere an adoptee turns. The media seems to only talk about the negative aspects of adoptees. Schools can make a child feel different and rejected by their lessons... more

Do not set yourself up for disappointment when you are making contact with your birth family. Do not go in thinking it will be what you have been dreaming about, and it will be blissfully happy. It is best to go thinking that there will be bumps along the road and do not set expectations too high. You may be pleasantly surprised and it may be end up being your dream. It is easier when we do not add the stress of dreams and high expectations in the beginning of the relationships or when contact begins.

There are a lot of birth mothers that gave their children up for adoption for reasons that are clearly way out of their control, or they were just not prepared to care of a child at... more

Grief for adoptees is pretty common or truly part of adoption. With every adoptee, the grief will be totally different, from the reason he or she is grieving to the degree of intensity.

Below are ways to deal with grief that as an adoptee you might be feeling:

1. Allow yourself to grieve without feeling guilt. Some people do not understand that an adoptee may feel grief even if he or she had a wonderful happy life through adoption. Even if an adoptee chooses not to deal with his or her grief, it does not mean it will go away. The grief will remain tucked away and will stay with you until you allow yourself to go through it.

2. Talking about your feelings can... more

The thought of meeting your birth mother or father can bring up so many different emotions for you deal with. You can be nervous that the visit will not be what you want, that you may say the wrong thing or that you will not be the child that your birth mother or father had pictured in their mind. You can be happy to meet the person that gave you life, and you are developing a relationship with your birth mother or father. You can be scared that your birth mother or father will not be the person that you think they are or want them to be, there will be no lasting connection or they will want more than you can give. You may feel totally different emotions at any given time or all of them... more

How does an adoptee include his or her adoptive and birth family in special events in his or her life without problems? I have been asked to address this issue. There is not a simple answer and it can vary with each family and event.

There will be major events graduation, marriage or birth of a child that you may want to include your adoptive and birth family. Hopefully, your adoptive family is somewhat accepting of your birth family. Maybe they are not friends with you birth family but they understand that your birth family is important to you and you want them in your life.

Talking with your adoptive parents is the first step. Explain to them that you would like to... more

This was on my list of topics to write about his month. Kelly, the foster adopt blogger wrote about this from an adoptive mother’s view this month, so I thought about putting off my post. Since my view is from an adoptee’s view, this just shows two different sides and views from different people involved in adoption.

Nature does a play a large part of a child’s life. Adopted children get their physical traits and medical history from their birth family. Adopted children may also inherit learning disabilities from the birth family. Does nature have the most impact on a child’s outcome in... more