With adoption, there is a line in the sand that tends to be ignored by all. It involves us all whether we want to accept it or not. As an adoptee, I use to think that if you stayed out of the adoption scene, you could not be on one side or the other side. I think this also is placing you on a side.

Every side has so many different issues and thoughts. Generalized statements can bring people’s blood to the boiling point. Can we all ever get pass all of the division? There is so much talk about the children, but then it tends to be more about us, I, or we.

As an adoptee to hear people make the general statement that adoptions are unneeded and implied that adoptions are wrong... more

I often wondered why some adoptive parents were concerned and worried for their children to look for their birth mothers. After experiencing rejection from my birth mother myself and talking with others that have also experienced rejection, I realized something. Our parents (adoptive) want to protect us from any possible hurt so with the uncertainty that reunion can bring can be a scary thought for parents.

As an adoptive mother knowing the pain the rejection can bring, I want to protect my own children. Not all adoptees have the “ideal” birth mother that is just a fact of life. My adopted children’s birth mother did not visit, make contact, call to check on them or anything else... more

The fear of being rejected is probably the greatest fear of an adoptee. Some adoptees feel the first rejection was at birth so in their eyes it can happen again. No one likes to be rejected. The feelings that an adoptees may feel is that they are not good enough and are unloved when they feel rejected.

When an adoptee does make contact with her birth mother to be rejected the feelings that she is experiencing feels, that it is over before it even started. The door was closed so quickly in your face before you even had a chance to say a word. The pain and grief that sweep over you feels unbearable. Your hopes and dreams of a happy reunion vanish before your eyes. You set wandering how... more

The mothering instincts that we have as any kind of a mother are life long and never ending. We all can remember a time when our own mothers told us something that we knew. Our mothers knew that we knew, but it is that mothering that just kicks in. I think we all can recall saying or hearing “Yes, mother I know that. You tell me that all the time.”

With my experience and talking to other adoptees about their experiences, I learned that this can become an issue with reunions. In the minds and hearts of the birth mothers, the adoptee is that child or baby that the birth mother gave up. The adoptees do not see themselves like this.

This is a natural thing for a mother to want... more

Fear can be a major emotion during reunion that an adoptee can be faced with at every turn. The thought of searching can bring up all kinds of fears. You hear all those "what if" questions running through your head.

What if they do not want to see you? What if I am not what they hoped for? What if I never find them?

The thoughts of fear can keep adoptees from searching for their birth families. The fear of what an adoptee can find about their birth parents and themselves. The fear the door will be closed before it is ever opened can be very overwhelming for an adoptee.

The fear of being rejected can also be a major concern for an adoptee. The fear of your birth mother... more

What is an adoptee looking or hoping for when she wants to search for her birth family? This is a common question that an adoptee may hear. The truth is every adoptee has different desires, hopes, beliefs, dreams and needs. There is not one pat answer to this question, but there are different answers for each adoptee.

I will share what an adoptee possibly hopes to learn or thoughts that an adoptee may have. Every adoptee will have totally different thoughts and ideas, but hopefully this will shed some light on what an adoptee maybe thinking about.

Curiosity can be a major reason that an adoptee goes searching. Do I have birth sibling? Do I look like my birth family? Where... more

When I go to some adoption or adoptee support sites, one of the first things I see is: “How many children have been lost to adoption?” As an adoptee, I am puzzled by this statement. I am not “lost” nor have I ever been “lost”.

I know where I live, who my parents are, and I know all about myself. I know I was lost once as a child when I went in search for my dog that was lost. I wandered into a valley with thick trees (I was raised in the country), got turned around and lost my bearings. I did end up walking for a couple of hours. I ended up finding a country road I knew and I also found my dog. My dad ended up finding me and the dog both. Really this is the only time I ever remember... more

This is the beginning of a series talking about the emotions that an adoptee may feel in the beginning of the search to the reunion. I am not saying that every adoptee will experience these feelings.

Happiness for some adoptees can be found through reunions with their birth families. An adoptee may go in with the hope of learning answers to so many questions and find out so much more. Some adoptees click right away with their birth families, while other adoptees struggle and have to work at the relationship for it to be successful.

Finding your birth family after searching will be a very happy occasion. Most adoptees spend a large amount of time searching and hoping to find... more

I always thought that one day I could have some sort of relationship with my birth siblings that were not adopted. The thought is that siblings will always be connected and have some sort of feelings towards their birth siblings. The truth is that it is not always the case.

You can talk and read about adoptees trying to connect with their siblings. You will find that some do not connect, or even want contact with their siblings. Reunions do not always end as most people paint them out to be (the "happily ever after").

My half sister has chosen not to have a relationship with my sister and myself. Mainly because she feels that it is too painful for her mother since she could... more

Adoptive parents can be a great asset for building relationships between their children. Below, I will share with you ideas and ways to help build or strengthen relationships for the adoptee and other siblings.

Having one of the siblings teach something to the other one i.e. reading, drawing, counting, it can be anything. This can cause a healthy reaction and leads to bonding. Have them learn a new sport or skill together. This can allow them time together learning and practicing; this can be dancing, gymnastics, swimming, piano, painting. This can be anything that you think they both would enjoy doing. I have tried this with my two daughters; they... more