The reality is that all reunions do not haves happy ending. All the issues that you may face can be more difficult than you think. Sometimes things are just out of your control. When that time comes you have to do you best to deal with matters and find a way to move on.

My birth mother wanted more than I could give. She wanted a mother-daughter relationship. She did not understand that could not happen. She wanted a relationship as she had with my half sister (that she parented) and continued to refer to it. She could not understand that I had a life that included a mom and the past could not just disappear. The past is where I have lived with my parents and I am happy with my life.

The boundaries concerning my children were a major problem for her. I have also had a comment left on a post not understanding why I would make this choice. An adoptee should be able to set boundaries without people trying to judge if they are right or wrong.

With a birth mother that drugs, alcohol, men, violence, and breaking the law are all major things in her life, this is not a great child friendly or safe environment. These are the things that I know about and I am sure there are other things that I do not know about.

My birth mother became obsessed with my biological daughter when she was born, and I did not like that. I did learn her reasoning for that. My birth mother allowed one of the men that she had in her life to rape my half-sister before the age of five and continued until her teen years. Due to the repeated rape that she endured for years as a child, my half sister was unable to have children and does not want anything to do with men.

My half brother was killed when he was hit by a car, because he was running through the streets without parental supervision. My birth mother was busy caught up in her life of drugs and such.

So, my children are her only grandchildren that I do understand. I would never put my most treasured gifts that God gave me, my children, even close to this toxic, violent, and abusive environment. What kind of mother would I be to allow my beautiful children to be placed in harm's way? I would rather be looked down on or die then to allow my children to suffer the fate of my half siblings.

Related posts:

Reunion: Not Always Perfect

Reunions Not Always the Same


Related article at adoption.com:

Not the Fairy Tale I Had Imagined