The Adoptee Perspective

I have a lot to be thankful for in my life. My brothers and I were adopted at birth.  At a very young age, my parents lovingly explained that I was adopted and how special they felt being able to raise me. One night, when I was in high school, my mom drove me to church for an overnight retreat.  It was at that time she explained the details of my birth and the birth of my younger brothers.  I remember thinking that memorable night I had something very special to be thankful for. I have never felt abandoned, unwanted, or unloved.  I felt as normal as any of my childhood friends. I never knew my birth mom and I decided early on… [more]

Names are such an important part of who we are as individuals. I always find it interesting how most people really seem to "fit" their name. How many times have we heard people say that is a perfect name for so and so? Sometimes we know that our parents had more than one name picked out for us before we were born. Some parents may even have two or three names selected but decide to wait and see which name fits their baby - like my friends who selected both Neva and Claire as possible names. In the end they went with Neva. They also tried out several names on their son… [more]

I sometimes feel the way that John Raible described in his recent blog post.

I want so much to share my experiences with adoptive parents in order to help them be better parents to their adopted children. However, it is difficult to share my experiences and open myself up to harsh reactions. It is tiresome to have to justify my right to my opinions. It is tiresome to have to say "yes, I love my parents"… [more]

This weekend I came across an interesting blog post that brought up an important issue. Should adoptive parents tell their children about the cost of their adoption?   And how should parents explain it when it involved a discounted or special rate? As with most adoption related issues there is no right or wrong answer but as an adoptee I have strong feelings about this issue. The heart of this issue is really the cost of adoption and that is a bigger topic than I can address in this blog post. There is plenty of info on this topic all over the web. However, I do want to talk about the practice of a single agency… [more]

Sometimes I get behind on blog reading. I use a blog reader so unless I go in and check it regularly (which sometimes I don't) the posts can really start to pile up. I'm sure this is a familiar problem for many. Sometimes I just need a break from reading/thinking about adoption stuff. Sometimes I just get too busy. One of my problems is that I will read an interesting blog - which inevitably links to other interesting blogs and the next thing I know a few hours have gone by and I'm still reading. There is just so much good stuff out there (and a lot of not so good too but I… [more]

I have five brothers - three older, two younger. I really enjoyed being the only girl. The advantages are endless - no hand-me downs, no sharing a bedroom, no one to steal your Barbie dolls  (although I do recall a head or two was ripped off by someone in our house). I am closest in age to John, who is about 2 years younger than me. He is also biracial and was adopted from the same agency where my parents got me. In some ways I think our parents assumed that because we were both transracial adoptees and close in age that we'd be best friends, buddies. We'd have this common bond

I realize I'm a little late to the whole census discussion as it was discussed by Robyn already. And I've read about it on numerous other websites and in the media. The first time I heard the census form had separate categories for biological and adopted children I was surprised but sort of dismissed the issue. I was busy living my life and I pretty much let it roll off my back.

Over the past month I watched Faces of America on PBS. The show was hosted by Henry Louis Gates and researched the family histories of numerous celebrities such as Stephen Colbert, Yoyo Ma and Louise Erdrich. I found the series so interesting. As a history lover this  show was right up my alley.  It is so amazing to reflect on why people came to this country, the sacrifices they made, the bravery it took to walk into the unknown. I really wonder if most of us today could be this brave. The series included stories of internment camps, draft riots during the civil war and settlers who came to what is now Texas long before it was

I remember when I first started to really explore adoption issues in my life. Once I decided to unlock that door in my mind and really examine some of my issues thoughts and questions flooded out and consumed a great deal of my time and energy. I would think about searching for my birth mother, about talking to my parents about searching and about my fear of searching and about my fear of finding. I had thoughts of resentment, anger and grief. There were just so many things I wanted to talk about but I really didn't have anyone I felt totally comfortable talking to.  I did talk to my family and my friends but I always felt a little guarded. I… [more]

In my first communication with my birth mom she told me the name of my biological father. They knew each other in college but did not have a long term relationship. He never knew she was pregnant. The fact that he didn't know I existed added another layer of complexity to the searching process. Biological parents know the possibility exists that they may be contacted by their biological child sometime down the road. However, it would be quite shocking to learn you had an adult child - one who is requesting information and/or contact. Again, this is where my story is atypical of most adoptees. Because this man has some limited notoriety I was able to find information about him in newspaper… [more]