Early Reactions to Being Adopted

July 28th, 2013
Posted By: on Adoptee
Categories: Us, the Adoptees

schoolI can remember always knowing I was adopted. My parents told me as soon as I could understand. Again I was told I was special, chosen. My friends in grade school also thought it was somewhat cool and very mysterious. The first time I asked my folks about my adoption they simply told me that my birth mother couldn't take care of me, so she put me up for adoption. I asked for details. My mom once told me there were South American ancestors somewhere in my history. I asked about my "weird" middle name Marne (Mar-nay). Was it a family name, was it made up...I just wanted information. My dad said I was named after a WWII battle, the Battle of… [more]

Quote from a Mother

May 29th, 2012
Posted By: on Adoptee

Below is a quote from a mother.  I found this notion on an evening when I WAS wondering if the fact that I always feel less than my sister, who is a biological, was my insecurity or rooted in my status as an adopted. The first thing that showed up was this. "I have biological and adopted children and I have to admit that, while I love/adore them all fiercely, there is something primal about the way I love my biological children. It's not something I control, it's just there. They all feel equally special." They all feel equally special. Except some know that they are adopted and that no “primal” love exists for them. We assume they would never guess it……never notice……after all, they were chosen. I certainly hope my mother has… [more]

One Mother or Two?

May 29th, 2012
Posted By: on Adoptee

“I have come to believe....it is unnatural for members of the human species to grow up separated from and without knowledge of their natural clan, that such a lack has a negative influence on a child's psychic reality and relationship with the adoptive parents...”.  Journey of the Adopted Self, Betty Jean Lifton It is common in discussions of adopted children today to say they have two mothers, a biological mother and an adoptive mother. Adoptee author Betty Jean Lifton, for example, a prime mover in what we are now calling open adoption, wrote that she felt pulled this way and that by her two competing mothers, biological and adoptive, as follows: “For deep inside every adoptee (Lifton often presented her own views as the views of all adoptees) there is a chalk… [more]

Gratitude

March 9th, 2011
Posted By: on Adoptee

Thankyou 2I have a lot to be thankful for in my life. My brothers and I were adopted at birth.  At a very young age, my parents lovingly explained that I was adopted and how special they felt being able to raise me. One night, when I was in high school, my mom drove me to church for an overnight retreat.  It was at that time she explained the details of my birth and the birth of my younger brothers.  I remember thinking that memorable night I had something very special to be thankful for. I have never felt abandoned, unwanted, or unloved.  I felt as normal as any of my childhood friends. I never knew my birth mom and I decided early on… [more]

Sharing a Journey, While Keeping Some Privacy

November 28th, 2007
Posted By: on Adoptee
Categories: Us, the Adoptees

Who's Adoption Story is it to Tell? I was talking to my sister who is also adopted about her feelings concerning others sharing her adoption journey and information. I was quite surprised when she told me that she was a little shocked that I have been so open, honest and shared so many details about my adoption journey and that of my children. When I took this writing “gig”, I wanted to be as open as I could about being an adoptee and the challenges, issues and heartache that can happen. I knew that I could not be fully open about my experiences and share without hurting people in my life including my adopted children if I did not write under a pseudonym. Granted… [more]

Who’s Adoption Story is it to Tell?

November 28th, 2007
Posted By: on Adoptee
Categories: Us, the Adoptees

Boundaries in adoption can sometimes be very hazy. What part of the adoption information and details belongs to whom? It is common for adoptees to go through times that they do not want to share their adoption journey and some adoptees do not feel comfortable sharing it at all. I remember when I was in my late teens (18 or 19ish) we were at church function, a person that was visiting came up out the clear blue sky and asked about me being adopted. I was surprised to say the least and quickly learned that my mother had told her. I was thrown for a loop for a couple of reasons. One reason was that I was not expecting someone… [more]

We are who we are because…….

October 30th, 2007
Posted By: on Adoptee
Categories: Us, the Adoptees

The journey and experiences we go through in life all have meaning. All of things have an impact on the person we become. Even the challenges, losses, and heartbreaks of life teach us lessons. While I do understand and agree that adoption does have an impact on our life experiences and the person we become, but it should not be only about that. While some adoptees talk about searching for who they are, the truth is this person already exists. Yes, there are pieces of our lives that are missing but does that change your existence? We all, including people not adopted, go through different points in life searching for who we are or at some point in life we lose sight of ourselves… [more]

Love Thursday – My Love, Beliefs, Instilled Into Me

September 13th, 2007
Posted By: on Adoptee
Categories: Us, the Adoptees

As a child I developed a love of animals that continues to this day. If I had a bad day at school or was just struggling with things, I could be found with my cats, dogs, horse, pet cow, or any other stray animal that I adopted. They are truly what I connected with. With them I did not feel different. When a lot of people know you are adopted and talk about it you can find yourself feeling that way. This is a love that I share with my dad (adoptive). My parents instilled in me at a young age that I could do anything that I wanted to, and to believe in myself. My parents let me (around the age of 10)… [more]

Adoptee’s Wedding Day – Birth and Adoptive (Step) Mother

August 5th, 2007
Posted By: on Adoptee

A wedding day is a very important occasion which will include a lot of memories one day. This is no different for adoptees, except maybe a few more wishful thoughts about this special day. A young adoptee bride lost her mother at the young age of 8 years old to breast cancer. Her father went on to remarry and after some time her step mother adopted the girl and her brother. The adoptive mother picked up the pieces and became the mother that these children longed for. A relationship was forged in love while remembering the mother she had lost. In her heart she had love and room for two mothers. When the young bride was planning for… [more]

Adoptee: What to Call Who?

July 25th, 2007
Posted By: on Adoptee

In the grand scheme of things in adoption, is the title that you want others to call you so important. Is the title for the general public to call you or is it for the adoptee? By the way I have never been crazy about the title adoptee. Truthfully this is the only place I refer to myself or even others as adoptees. The title adoptee is what it is.It is just a way to identify a person that has been adopted nothing more or less. Seriously, I cannot see myself introducing myself as Abby the adoptee. Using the title, "first mother", seems kind of strange. Would you also call your spouse my 2nd or 3rd spouse and your children 1st, 2nd, 3rd or 4th child?… [more]