Us, the Adoptees

I have a lot to be thankful for in my life. My brothers and I were adopted at birth.  At a very young age, my parents lovingly explained that I was adopted and how special they felt being able to raise me. One night, when I was in high school, my mom drove me to church for an overnight retreat.  It was at that time she explained the details of my birth and the birth of my younger brothers.  I remember thinking that memorable night I had something very special to be thankful for. I have never felt abandoned, unwanted, or unloved.  I felt as normal as any of my childhood friends. I never knew my birth mom and I decided early on… [more]

Who's Adoption Story is it to Tell? I was talking to my sister who is also adopted about her feelings concerning others sharing her adoption journey and information. I was quite surprised when she told me that she was a little shocked that I have been so open, honest and shared so many details about my adoption journey and that of my children. When I took this writing “gig”, I wanted to be as open as I could about being an adoptee and the challenges, issues and heartache that can happen. I knew that I could not be fully open about my experiences and share without hurting people in my life including my adopted children if I did not write under a pseudonym. Granted… [more]

Boundaries in adoption can sometimes be very hazy. What part of the adoption information and details belongs to whom? It is common for adoptees to go through times that they do not want to share their adoption journey and some adoptees do not feel comfortable sharing it at all. I remember when I was in my late teens (18 or 19ish) we were at church function, a person that was visiting came up out the clear blue sky and asked about me being adopted. I was surprised to say the least and quickly learned that my mother had told her. I was thrown for a loop for a couple of reasons. One reason was that I was not expecting someone… [more]

The journey and experiences we go through in life all have meaning. All of things have an impact on the person we become. Even the challenges, losses, and heartbreaks of life teach us lessons. While I do understand and agree that adoption does have an impact on our life experiences and the person we become, but it should not be only about that. While some adoptees talk about searching for who they are, the truth is this person already exists. Yes, there are pieces of our lives that are missing but does that change your existence? We all, including people not adopted, go through different points in life searching for who we are or at some point in life we lose sight of ourselves… [more]

As a child I developed a love of animals that continues to this day. If I had a bad day at school or was just struggling with things, I could be found with my cats, dogs, horse, pet cow, or any other stray animal that I adopted. They are truly what I connected with. With them I did not feel different. When a lot of people know you are adopted and talk about it you can find yourself feeling that way. This is a love that I share with my dad (adoptive). My parents instilled in me at a young age that I could do anything that I wanted to, and to believe in myself. My parents let me (around the age of 10)… [more]

A wedding day is a very important occasion which will include a lot of memories one day. This is no different for adoptees, except maybe a few more wishful thoughts about this special day. A young adoptee bride lost her mother at the young age of 8 years old to breast cancer. Her father went on to remarry and after some time her step mother adopted the girl and her brother. The adoptive mother picked up the pieces and became the mother that these children longed for. A relationship was forged in love while remembering the mother she had lost. In her heart she had love and room for two mothers. When the young bride was planning for… [more]

In the grand scheme of things in adoption, is the title that you want others to call you so important. Is the title for the general public to call you or is it for the adoptee? By the way I have never been crazy about the title adoptee. Truthfully this is the only place I refer to myself or even others as adoptees. The title adoptee is what it is.It is just a way to identify a person that has been adopted nothing more or less. Seriously, I cannot see myself introducing myself as Abby the adoptee. Using the title, "first mother", seems kind of strange. Would you also call your spouse my 2nd or 3rd spouse and your children 1st, 2nd, 3rd or 4th child?… [more]

A 13 year old adoptee, Kia, returned to her birth country, China, for a visit. She was 2 years old the last time she was in China. She did not have many memories to recall since she was adopted at a young age. The only thing she talked about from China was a rainbow bird. Her adoptive parents made arrangements for their visit to China along with the agency they used for the adoption. The agency gives adoptive families the opportunity to travel together to their children’s birth country. The adoptive families are responsible for their own expenses. Traveling with other adoptive families makes them not feel like tourists and they also have someone to share the experience with. She discovered the rainbow bird… [more]

Sometimes, the media and others paint adoptees as having major issues from psychological needs, consumed with anger, depression, etc. Yes, some adoptees may have dealt with these issues from time to time, but for the most part, their lives are not controlled by these things. There are a few adoptees that are unable to move beyond these issues, that I do understand. In every walk of life, there are people struggling with issues, but that does not mean that everyone in that walk of life is also struggling. It is funny, sometimes it is like everyone else expects adoptees to be angry and even have issues with being adopted. This leads one to wonder why others want, expect, or need adoptees to feel negative. Society… [more]

Continued I did talk with my doctor (one I have been with for years) about what we were told. To my surprise she stated that she already thought my daughter was mixed for the entire year she had been treating her. I responded, “Why didn’t you say anything to me?” She responded, “ I did not think it mattered to you.” I said, “It does not matter. I would have liked you to share this with me instead of being the last to know. It seems so crazy I never thought of it. How do I begin to think about explaining this to her one day?” My doctor said the most helpful and amazing thing to me. “Abby you see her with a… [more]