TRA Gratitude Project: Days 4 – 7 (Belated)

November 11th, 2013
Posted By: on Adoptee

BookCover-FindAStranger150x150To catch up on the Gratitude Project, I will cover a few days at a time. I must admit that using micro-blogging sites like Twitter and Facebook makes it easy to pop up a gratitude statement each day. However, I'm hoping that you are returning here, dear readers, for the explanations WHY I'm grateful. Day 4: I'm thankful for adoption resources: books, blogs, etc. Even when I was growing up in the 70's and 80's, there were SOME books about adoption. Now there are multitudes of places to turn. Adoptive parents just have to search them out. I live in western Massachusetts and towns can get pretty spread out from here to there. But even in Western Mass, I've found a surprising amount… [more]

The Truth Hurts

May 16th, 2013
Posted By: on Adoptee

Adopted AbbyAfter adopting me, my parents had continued to do foster care and over the course of my young life many children had come and gone from our home. This specific story centers on a brother and sister who came to live with us during my early adolescence. The brother was my age and the sister only a year our junior. The brother and I had hit it off and enjoyed the same outdoor activities and had become great friends. The sister struggled with the kindred relationship he and I shared and was constantly jealous and felt left out of our adventures. I can still close my eyes and smell the earthy aromas of the soil, fall leaves, and birch trees that filled… [more]

Quote from a Mother

May 29th, 2012
Posted By: on Adoptee

Below is a quote from a mother.  I found this notion on an evening when I WAS wondering if the fact that I always feel less than my sister, who is a biological, was my insecurity or rooted in my status as an adopted. The first thing that showed up was this. "I have biological and adopted children and I have to admit that, while I love/adore them all fiercely, there is something primal about the way I love my biological children. It's not something I control, it's just there. They all feel equally special." They all feel equally special. Except some know that they are adopted and that no “primal” love exists for them. We assume they would never guess it……never notice……after all, they were chosen. I certainly hope my mother has… [more]

Adoption Journey

May 29th, 2012
Posted By: on Adoptee

I am conscious of being adopted as I watch the journey of a friend of mine as she becomes a new grandmother to a baby girl. Her son and his wife have been waiting for the first mother to sign away her rights. To legally, once and for all, say that she is no longer the primary mother of her daughter. To say that she willingly severs that relationship in order to give her daughter what she believes is a better life. Usually that better life is one that has more money and more social opportunity. Fewer stigmas and less societal restriction. A better life. My heart breaks for that mother. And my prayers accompany her daughter. Watching the love of my friend, the new grandmother, has given… [more]

Gratitude

March 9th, 2011
Posted By: on Adoptee

Thankyou 2I have a lot to be thankful for in my life. My brothers and I were adopted at birth.  At a very young age, my parents lovingly explained that I was adopted and how special they felt being able to raise me. One night, when I was in high school, my mom drove me to church for an overnight retreat.  It was at that time she explained the details of my birth and the birth of my younger brothers.  I remember thinking that memorable night I had something very special to be thankful for. I have never felt abandoned, unwanted, or unloved.  I felt as normal as any of my childhood friends. I never knew my birth mom and I decided early on… [more]

Trivialized

April 27th, 2010
Posted By: on Adoptee

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I sometimes feel the way that John Raible described in his recent blog post.

At every turn, I’ve watched a non-stop backlash as adult adoptees offer up their perspectives, only to be patronized, talked about, criticized, researched, publicly psychoanalyzed, infantilized, trivialized, and dismissed.

I want so much to share my experiences with adoptive parents in order to help them be better parents to their adopted children. However, it is difficult to share my experiences and open myself up to harsh reactions. It is tiresome to have to justify my right to my opinions. It is tiresome to have to say "yes, I love my parents"… [more]

How Much Did I Cost?

April 20th, 2010
Posted By: on Adoptee

100_percent This weekend I came across an interesting blog post that brought up an important issue. Should adoptive parents tell their children about the cost of their adoption?   And how should parents explain it when it involved a discounted or special rate? As with most adoption related issues there is no right or wrong answer but as an adoptee I have strong feelings about this issue. The heart of this issue is really the cost of adoption and that is a bigger topic than I can address in this blog post. There is plenty of info on this topic all over the web. However, I do want to talk about the practice of a single agency… [more]

Common Bond

April 10th, 2010
Posted By: on Adoptee

kidsI have five brothers - three older, two younger. I really enjoyed being the only girl. The advantages are endless - no hand-me downs, no sharing a bedroom, no one to steal your Barbie dolls  (although I do recall a head or two was ripped off by someone in our house). I am closest in age to John, who is about 2 years younger than me. He is also biracial and was adopted from the same agency where my parents got me. In some ways I think our parents assumed that because we were both transracial adoptees and close in age that we'd be best friends, buddies. We'd have this common bond

Census

March 31st, 2010
Posted By: on Adoptee

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I realize I'm a little late to the whole census discussion as it was discussed by Robyn already. And I've read about it on numerous other websites and in the media. The first time I heard the census form had separate categories for biological and adopted children I was surprised but sort of dismissed the issue. I was busy living my life and I pretty much let it roll off my back.

That was until I actually opened the census envelope we received in the mail. I sat down to fill it out and once I saw the actual words on the form I about blew a gasket. It… [more]

My Special Day

March 14th, 2010
Posted By: on Adoptee

flowersinvaseYesterday was my "special day." That is what my family calls the day that my parents first got me. In recent years I've heard people call it "gotcha day" but like I special day better. It was always marked with a special meal and the re-telling of the first day my parents picked me up at the agency office. My younger brother has a special day too - Nov. 1st. I don't remember the early ones, of course, but as I got older my mom would let us choose what we wanted for dinner that night. We could pick anything we wanted.  I think I would usually pick fried chicken. My brother would usually ask for hamburgers - which I didn’t think… [more]