Adult Adoptees

I have a lot to be thankful for in my life. My brothers and I were adopted at birth.  At a very young age, my parents lovingly explained that I was adopted and how special they felt being able to raise me. One night, when I was in high school, my mom drove me to church for an overnight retreat.  It was at that time she explained the details of my birth and the birth of my younger brothers.  I remember thinking that memorable night I had something very special to be thankful for. I have never felt abandoned, unwanted, or unloved.  I felt as normal as any of my childhood friends. I never knew my birth mom and I decided early on… [more]

I sometimes feel the way that John Raible described in his recent blog post.

I want so much to share my experiences with adoptive parents in order to help them be better parents to their adopted children. However, it is difficult to share my experiences and open myself up to harsh reactions. It is tiresome to have to justify my right to my opinions. It is tiresome to have to say "yes, I love my parents"… [more]

I remember when I first started to really explore adoption issues in my life. Once I decided to unlock that door in my mind and really examine some of my issues thoughts and questions flooded out and consumed a great deal of my time and energy. I would think about searching for my birth mother, about talking to my parents about searching and about my fear of searching and about my fear of finding. I had thoughts of resentment, anger and grief. There were just so many things I wanted to talk about but I really didn't have anyone I felt totally comfortable talking to.  I did talk to my family and my friends but I always felt a little guarded. I… [more]

Throughout most of my adult life therapy has been a very important part of my growth. I've had some good therapists and one GREAT one. I've tried a few that didn't work out because they had no real understanding of adoption issues. Each time I've looked for a therapist I've found it difficult to find a professional with extensive experience with adoption.  Jenna wrote about this issue in her post about finding a therapist that has experience with birth mothers. When members of the adoption triad seek therapy I think it is essential to find someone who specializes in adoption related issues - and the more specialized to a specific situation the better. In my personal experience, therapists… [more]

As an adoptee I realize that readers want to know my status on searching and contact with my birth parents. I will cover this information over the next few posts since this is a big topic. I have been in contact with my birth mother since 1994. I know who my birth father is but we are not in contact. Growing up I thought about meeting my birth parents but I assumed that because I had so little information there was no way I could find them. It was pre-internet days so I didn't know about registries or investigators or other searching options. Finding their names, let alone contact, seemed unlikely so I didn't dwell on it much. This is… [more]

Courtney's post last night got me thinking about attachment from my own experience. I was adopted as an infant of eight weeks old and my brother was adopted seven years later as an infant of roughly the same age. Neither of us have ever had any conscious memory of any family or life prior to the childhood we experienced with our parents, our adoptions were openly discussed even if the details regarding our birth families were totally closed to us, and being children of the 70s, our parents didn't have a tremendous amount of advance adoption counseling regarding attachment. So how did our experience wind up seeming so uneventful, normal and positive? I think, from the start, our parents acknowledged and made accomodations for… [more]

It's been said to start at the very beginning as it's the very best place to start which is clearly solid advice. My name is Lisa B and I'm elated to join this already robust community as one of your new bloggers focusing on both adoptee perspectives and adoption searches. My life and resulting world view has been actively shaped by my experiences as an adoptee who was relinquished at birth through Catholic Charities to loving parents who never hid that fact from me. I've always known that I was adopted and it was as natural to me as sliced bread, walking and my own blue eyes in the mirror. Many of the friends my parents were closest to during my childhood… [more]

This journey can bring to the surface some thoughts and feelings that may have not been felt in the past. Along with the pregnancy hormones and then trying to process these feelings can be a lot to deal with. This is written from the point of view of an adopted mother to be. When you learn that you are expecting a baby, there are so many emotions that you may feel and then, on top of that, the feelings about your own birth and adoption begin to surface. Boy, these are not the emotions that you think about when you learn that you are pregnant. A few weeks along the way I had found myself thinking about what my birth mother experienced and thought while pregnant with… [more]

The thought of parenthood can seem overwhelming to some adoptees. I have known adoptees who did not want to have children. The thought of what kind of parent they would be played a part in the choice. Feeling unable to bond with others, the thought that he or she would be an unfit parent, feelings about his or her past abandonment issues and other thoughts can make one question their ability to be a parent. On the other hand, some adoptees cannot wait to be parents and feel that they will be great parents. This does not mean parenthood may not bring up some thoughts and feelings about being adopted. Why do adoptees have such extreme feelings on parenthood? How one was raised in a loving… [more]

Every time an adoptee goes to a doctor appointment or other medical appointment, the words you dread hearing are “What is your family history?” This lack of medical information is also carried to the adoptee’s children. There comes a point that adoptees and their family do wish they knew more medical facts about their birth families, maybe it is because they discover that he or she are facing a major illness. Having a child born with birth defects can lead to someone wanting to know more about his or her past and birth family. I know an adoptee that was not bothered by not having any medical information about her birth family. When her daughter became very ill and was faced with some major medical conditions, her feelings… [more]