Why Do Grandmothers Give Their Grandchildren Away?

October 3rd, 2013
Posted By: on Adoptee

A couple of weeks ago, I had the pleasure of seeing Joyce Maguire Pavao in London. When I traveled the United States in Spring 2012 on a Winston Churchill Travel Fellowship, making contact with Joyce was central to my project being a success. She opened up professional networks to me that I would have otherwise had no contact with. For me, Joyce became a mentor. Her enthusiasm and support meant a great deal. More than that, I’m very glad to have made a good friend in Joyce. It was Joyce that said to me “You not only need to ask the grandmothers who decided to keep their grand-children why they did that, you need to ask the grandmothers who decided to give to give… [more]

Again and Again I say, “Prepare!”

September 30th, 2013
Posted By: on Adoptee

CIRCLE OF FRIENDSThe most important first step in beginning a search for birth parents is easier said than done. To skip it, however, could make all the difference in your outcome reaction. The importance of being emotionally strengthened and prepared cannot be overemphasized. Search and Reunion Issues, written for the counselor, can be a great help for those seeking counsel. Hopefully, if you've gotten this far on the Adoption.com website, you know the search is not always easy and it does not always meet with hopes and expectations. Sometimes, it leads to dead ends, other times, it leads to what some have labeled, a 'second rejection',  a term I greatly dislike that assumes putting a child up… [more]

Persistence Pays Off Part II

September 11th, 2013
Posted By: on Adoptee

mirrors"Some of us are searching for our  past...for a mirror to our being...”-Rebecca Tillou The Ghost Within: Everyday I see her Glimpses of black hair to her shoulder, wavy, free Dark Brown eyes A mirror to my rejected, lost soul Every day I hear her A laugh that Echoes mine Words, apologies, soft and sincere I am sorry I did what is best Please forgive me Let's be friends. She is seen and heard In the confines of my mind I can't touch her She can't hold me I think of her Her being walks right through me I am left alone in the corner Tears falling from my eyes A lost child. -Rebecca Tillou I found the last known address for my birth mom on the search site I had been using, and sent out a letter with our photos side by side.  The next… [more]

Working Out Who I Was

September 9th, 2013
Posted By: on Adoptee

Hi, my name is Leon and this is my first blog for Adoption Blogs. I wasn't too sure how to start my story, and I've no doubt I'll jump all over the place over the coming months as my memory is in no way linear. I thought I'd begin by describing that moment in childhood where I understood who I was within my own family. My adoption story is one of kinship care. Unusually, I was adopted by my grandparents.  I say unusually because while many grandparents, other relatives and family friends often will step into the parental role with children, these arrangements are not usually through the formal adoption route like mine was. In the United States, it's estimated there are some… [more]

View from the Cabbage Patch

July 16th, 2013
Posted By: on Adoptee

cabbageCabbage Patch? That’s where my parents told me I was from. It seems the stork dropped me off in Ohio in their cabbage patch, their special little girl. How many of us have been told a tall tale about our arrival? There are lots of stories our parents told us: we came from Heaven, delivered by the stork, found behind a cloud or just plain, “a miracle.” I like to think I arrived because I had a birth mother who realized she could not take care of me anymore and she did the right thing. Many years later I would learn this was, in fact, the situation. Immediately after arrival, how were you received? Were you old enough to remember those first few days? … [more]

Labels

April 26th, 2013
Posted By: on Adoptee

Adopted ChilIn our society we label everything. We even have label makers and electronic tags to help us keep the things we've labeled organized. While labeling things isn't necessarily a bad thing, we have applied this same principal of categorization to people - in many ways. I have been labeled as many things in my life, some hurtful and others I am proud of. Mother, daughter, sister, wife, friend, honor student, graduate, smart, funny, and attractive are some I'm more proud of. Slow, overweight, below average, unpopular, and crabby are some of the more hurtful ones. One label I have grown up with and will never change is adopted. It is a label that is so much a part of who I am that… [more]

About Adopted Abby

April 21st, 2013
Posted By: on Adoptee
Categories: Adult Adoptees

9 Months OldI am really excited to have joined the Adoption.com team as a blogger and content writer! To lend credibility to my posts and perspectives, I think it's important to let all of you get to know me and my story.  I was born in 1978 in Seattle, Washington to a young, single mother.  I was her first child and she tried to make a life for me.  She had married another man, who was enlisted in the Navy and was not my biological father, and we lived with him in Navy housing on the Whidbey Island base in Oak Harbor, WA. When I was three months old she left me in his care for an evening.  According to police reports, I was crying inconsolably and… [more]

Quote from a Mother

May 29th, 2012
Posted By: on Adoptee

Below is a quote from a mother.  I found this notion on an evening when I WAS wondering if the fact that I always feel less than my sister, who is a biological, was my insecurity or rooted in my status as an adopted. The first thing that showed up was this. "I have biological and adopted children and I have to admit that, while I love/adore them all fiercely, there is something primal about the way I love my biological children. It's not something I control, it's just there. They all feel equally special." They all feel equally special. Except some know that they are adopted and that no “primal” love exists for them. We assume they would never guess it……never notice……after all, they were chosen. I certainly hope my mother has… [more]

One Mother or Two?

May 29th, 2012
Posted By: on Adoptee

“I have come to believe....it is unnatural for members of the human species to grow up separated from and without knowledge of their natural clan, that such a lack has a negative influence on a child's psychic reality and relationship with the adoptive parents...”.  Journey of the Adopted Self, Betty Jean Lifton It is common in discussions of adopted children today to say they have two mothers, a biological mother and an adoptive mother. Adoptee author Betty Jean Lifton, for example, a prime mover in what we are now calling open adoption, wrote that she felt pulled this way and that by her two competing mothers, biological and adoptive, as follows: “For deep inside every adoptee (Lifton often presented her own views as the views of all adoptees) there is a chalk… [more]

Gratitude

March 9th, 2011
Posted By: on Adoptee

Thankyou 2I have a lot to be thankful for in my life. My brothers and I were adopted at birth.  At a very young age, my parents lovingly explained that I was adopted and how special they felt being able to raise me. One night, when I was in high school, my mom drove me to church for an overnight retreat.  It was at that time she explained the details of my birth and the birth of my younger brothers.  I remember thinking that memorable night I had something very special to be thankful for. I have never felt abandoned, unwanted, or unloved.  I felt as normal as any of my childhood friends. I never knew my birth mom and I decided early on… [more]