Understanding why things happen in this life is not always easy. I shared my experience of visiting my brother’s grave but was unable to go into great detail because it was so emotional at that point. My oldest daughter went with me but sat in the car while I took this part of my adoption journey alone. It is something that I had to face alone not knowing how I would feel or react facing the reality of life or the end of it.

After some personal time I did ask my daughter if she would like to see my brother’s grave. She asked if he would have been her uncle. And I said yes but somewhat different since we... more

The craziness and roller coaster ride is starting up again here. First I resent feeling summoned by my birth mother. A personal invitation would have felt better. My birth mother wants to set up a get together with me, my sister (adopted with me), herself and our half sister. With things being the way they are between me and my birth mother, makes the thought of this difficult.

Her health is starting to fail her which I assume makes her now decide to change things in some way. I do not know if I want to open myself up for more pain... more

Some adoptees do not feel the need to reconnect, search or develop a relationship with their birth parents. Granted there are more adoptees that do want contact with their birth parents but there are a few that do not have this desire for whatever reason. Yes, this can seem very strange to different members of the adoption triad.

Adoptees that are content with their lives and do not have the desire for contact with their birth parents should not be made to feel pushed aside. It is very easy to portray to these adoptees that there is a problem with them... more

The mothering instincts that we have as any kind of a mother are life long and never ending. We all can remember a time when our own mothers told us something that we knew. Our mothers knew that we knew, but it is that mothering that just kicks in. I think we all can recall saying or hearing “Yes, mother I know that. You tell me that all the time.”

With my experience and talking to other adoptees about their experiences, I learned that this can become an issue with reunions. In the minds and hearts of the birth mothers, the adoptee is that child or baby that the birth mother gave up. The adoptees do not see themselves like this.

This is a natural thing for a mother to want... more

What is an adoptee looking or hoping for when she wants to search for her birth family? This is a common question that an adoptee may hear. The truth is every adoptee has different desires, hopes, beliefs, dreams and needs. There is not one pat answer to this question, but there are different answers for each adoptee.

I will share what an adoptee possibly hopes to learn or thoughts that an adoptee may have. Every adoptee will have totally different thoughts and ideas, but hopefully this will shed some light on what an adoptee maybe thinking about.

Curiosity can be a major reason that an adoptee goes searching. Do I have birth sibling? Do I look like my birth family? Where... more

Other adoptees, like my self, look for a relationship with their birth mother but without the "full" mother daughter relationship. I call my birth mother by her first name, because in my heart she is not my mom. I do not intend for this to cause her pain as much as I know it does but I can't be the person that she wishes she had mothered. I am the person that I have grown into over time and I am happy with the person I have become.

Should I change to make someone else happy even if that person gave me life? I think not. I would hope that a birth mother, would be happy that her child she gave up to adoption would like to have a relationship with her, even if has not the kind of relationship... more

I did not go hoping to change or rewrite the past just develop a relationship or contact from the past. Did I set boundaries that were too much for my birth mother to live with? Possibly, but I also have to live with my boundaries.

Things do not always work out the way we hope but things in this life have no guarantees. When we are faced with decisions in life that can have a major impact, we have to make what we feel is the best choice at the time. We do not have the foresight to know the outcome.

My relationship with my birth mother is one sided, I am the one to make the phone calls, send pictures and write. Even after my birth mother closed me out because I cannot be... more

Each adoptee will have different views, thoughts, and opinions, very strong ones at that about their birth families. For one person searching for his or her birth family can be everything and another person does not have any interest in contact with his or her birth families. As adoptees we all have different needs, desires, and beliefs, about our adoption and our birth family. We all have the right to different feelings and ways that we choose to deal or not to deal with our adoption and birth families. Our differences do not make one of us right and the other one wrong.

There are adoptees who are content, happy and at peace with not having contact or searching for their birth... more

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I have to believe that I will know when the time is right and when my daughter can deal with the horrible facts that she will face. So, I cannot say I will give her the information when she turns 18 years old; she needs to be grounded with herself and in life to deal with the facts.

Even if adoptees are faced with dark secrets or horrible facts concerning their past, or how they came to be, they still have the right to know of their past. No one has the right, to decide what is best for someone else.

The big thing for adoptees in their search for information is not to go in expecting a happy story, go expecting to hear some difficult things. This... more

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It is possible to, as they say open “Pandora’s Box” and things are not what you hoped for and imagined. It also could turn out to be a truly wonderful experience and one where you build a lasting relationship with your birth parents.

My daughter and son that we adopted through foster care came with a file about five inches thick. It starts when CPS came into the picture, ends at their adoption and also has birth family information that is provided to the adoptive parents. My daughter’s facts in the file are very different than her brother’s. For me to read about the past especially my daughter’s was at times more than I could bare, I would have to put... more