To look at a gravestone and see what remains of my birth brother is enormously overwhelming. While I knew in my teens of his death, I had never been to his grave. My birth mother has not really talked about him in any detail in our few conversations. It is so strange, I even wrote in journals as a young girl about how I wanted a big brother.

As I walked in the cemetery searching for my brother I did not know how I would feel seeing his grave. Then I see his name, my heart hurt so much. As I touched the cold marble I was with him. I was always under the impression that he had... more

I often wondered why some adoptive parents were concerned and worried for their children to look for their birth mothers. After experiencing rejection from my birth mother myself and talking with others that have also experienced rejection, I realized something. Our parents (adoptive) want to protect us from any possible hurt so with the uncertainty that reunion can bring can be a scary thought for parents.

As an adoptive mother knowing the pain the rejection can bring, I want to protect my own children. Not all adoptees have the “ideal” birth mother that is just a fact of life. My adopted children’s birth mother did not visit, make contact, call to check on them or anything else... more

The reality is that all reunions do not haves happy ending. All the issues that you may face can be more difficult than you think. Sometimes things are just out of your control. When that time comes you have to do you best to deal with matters and find a way to move on.

My birth mother wanted more than I could give. She wanted a mother-daughter relationship. She did not understand that could not happen. She wanted a relationship as she had with my half sister (that she parented) and continued to refer to it. She could not understand that I had a life that included a mom and the past could not just disappear. The past is where I have lived with my parents and I am happy with my life.... more

Reunion: Not Always Perfect

I know and have heard from several adoptees that when they found their birth mother or family that they did not want any more contact. Some relationships after a reunion can disintegrate or never get started for any number of reasons. Some people in the adoption community find this so hard to believe. Do you think adoptees are seeking a birth mother to be rejected once again? There can be any number of reasons that can lead up to this, some we will probably never know or even understand.

I do understand that it can be hard for some people to understand, accept or... more

It is so strange to hear people talk about birth mothers and birth families like they are all the same. I do understand that there are a lot of birth mothers that are great mothers. They may have been faced with a pregnancy at a time in their life they could not deal with, that does not mean every birth mother falls under this heading.

When a birth mother was making bad choices (meaning drugs, multiple men, abuse of her children, living with continued violence, in and out of jail, etc.) that may have lead to her placing a child up for adoption and then continues through her life making the same choices. This can change everything for an adoptee; their feelings, relationships, and... more