Our science is now leading adoptees down a different road with some new twist and turns along the way. These adoptees are coming of age choosing to search for their beginnings. These are the first adoptees to make their way or deal with complex beginnings. These are adoptees are conceived from donated eggs or/and sperm.

Donated eggs produced a set of twin girls to the mother Carrie that carried them. The egg donor or as the twin girls call her “Egg Mom” was a strapped grad student that turned into a college teacher. They exchanged notes and gifts through the clinic anonymously.... more

Some adoptees will fit into this expectation, while others do not fit. The problem is where the adoptees fit into when they do not meet other's expectations. We cannot all be the same.

Adoptees are waiting for the moment that they can be reunited with their birth families. Adoptees long to reconnect and become the child that was given up so many years ago. Adoptees are looking for a mother and father. There are life long struggles that adoptees are haunted by due to adoption. Most adoptees are against adoption. Our birth families are the typical parents and families waiting for us to return with open arms. An adoptee’s life is all about loss from adoption.

Adoptive families... more

How should an adoptee feel and react is something a lot of people have their own ideas about? It seems there is some unknown and unseen (to us - adoptees) map that everyone else knows all about that states what path in life an adoptee should take, how we should feel, and what we should say.

It is like if some adoptees do not fit in this image then there is something wrong with them they are not the “normal” adoptees. The dynamics of every adoption is different and not every adoptee will fit in the image of an “adoptee” that is out there.

It is so easy to project our thoughts, beliefs, needs, and desires on to others. In the post “Are... more

A large majority of foster care adoptions do not have ongoing contact with the birth families. It could be because of the reasons talked about in Foster Care Adoptees: Myths. It could also be because the adoptees cannot deal with the trauma that comes with the contact with their birth families.

It is different in each case and what may work for someone, will not work for the next person. One child that we have adopted through foster care has never had birth parent... more

I received a comment that more or less, that foster adoptees are different because they are still connected to their birth families and child keep their “original names”. This is not the truth for the majority of foster care adoptees. People seem to be surprised that foster adoption is no different than any other adoption.

Foster adoptees do have more obstacles to overcome due to the trauma of abuse and neglect. A lot of foster adoptees are faced with a childhood filled with therapies to help them learn to deal with the anger and rage they feel... more

The truth is that people do not need to know the details of an adoptee’s past. I remember as a child when people learned I was adopted they would ask my mom about the details even if I was right there. My mom would change the subject or ask them inappropriate questions. I remember we were at the beauty shop and this happened. My mom asked her if her child has planned or was she unexpected? The lady did not appreciate my mom’s question. They exchanged some words before it got too heated my mom told me to run on. I watched from afar and liked seeing this lady get upset when someone asked her personal questions.

To this day I am surprised at the questions that I am asked by strangers,... more

Other people knowing about personal information about the adoptee’s birth family, reasons for being adopted etc. before the adoptee knows can lead to problems. Problems can arise especially with your other children knowing details before an adoptee knows these details.

You can say something to Aunt Martha casually about your adopted daughter's birth family being involved in drugs or that the adoptee’s birth mother could not care for another baby. Then Aunt Martha mentions this to another family member and before you know it everyone in your family has heard and details have been added along the way. One day your adopted daughter is playing with other children at a family function... more

When some adoptees start to talk about being adopted, the first things that come up are the differences, challenges, and issues that they have dealt with or are working on. When you start talking about a happy childhood, memories, and the joy that you have experienced being adopted, that generally falls under a happy childhood and not usually associated with being adopted.

This has been a big struggle for me on writing as an adoptee, since I tend to write about the struggles and issues that some adoptees may face along their adoption journey. There is great joy and happiness that can be found in adoption. I would not trade being adopted for anything.

As an adoptee, I had... more

1. You are lucky.

2. If she loved you, she would not have given you away.

3. You should not be sad or mad.

4. You are special because you are adopted.

5. You are chosen.

6. You have no respect for your adoptive parents.

7. Why don’t you search for your birth parents?

8. Forget it and get on with your life.

9. What’s it like to be adopted?

10. What do you hope to find by looking for your birth mother?

Well meaning people can say some of the most thoughtless things, without thinking about what they are saying. While others cannot seem to stay out of personal things and feel the need to give you their advice even... more

My name is Abby. I was adopted as a baby with my older sister. It has been over 30 years since that life changing decision my parents made to adopt. I feel blessed and honored to call them my parents. I am not saying it was a perfect family or a perfect life. I had a happy childhood and have become a happy adult. Yes, along the road of life we had our ups and downs struggles and learning experiences for us all. I do believe that being adopted you have some different views and challenges. I am not saying that the challenges are exclusive to people that have been adopted.

I look forward to sharing my and others thoughts, experiences, struggles of being adopted. Everyone will have different... more