It is so strange to hear people talk about birth mothers and birth families like they are all the same. I do understand that there are a lot of birth mothers that are great mothers. They may have been faced with a pregnancy at a time in their life they could not deal with, that does not mean every birth mother falls under this heading.

When a birth mother was making bad choices (meaning drugs, multiple men, abuse of her children, living with continued violence, in and out of jail, etc.) that may have lead to her placing a child up for adoption and then continues through her life making the same choices. This can change everything for an adoptee; their feelings, relationships, and... more

Do not set yourself up for disappointment when you are making contact with your birth family. Do not go in thinking it will be what you have been dreaming about, and it will be blissfully happy. It is best to go thinking that there will be bumps along the road and do not set expectations too high. You may be pleasantly surprised and it may be end up being your dream. It is easier when we do not add the stress of dreams and high expectations in the beginning of the relationships or when contact begins.

There are a lot of birth mothers that gave their children up for adoption for reasons that are clearly way out of their control, or they were just not prepared to care of a child at... more

This can be stressful and a lot for you to deal with, so going slow and taking your time can help this process. You need to think of what you want out of contacting your birth family, a full family contact, occasional phone call and emails this could possibly include some in-person visits, or just a one time meeting. The next thing you need to think of is what you hope to get out of searching or making contact with your birth family, to have a relationship with them, to get medical information, or just the story of your beginning and what happened.

Every person involved in this process, should respect the other person's feelings, thoughts, desires, and beliefs. Being open, up front... more

Each adoptee will have different views, thoughts, and opinions, very strong ones at that about their birth families. For one person searching for his or her birth family can be everything and another person does not have any interest in contact with his or her birth families. As adoptees we all have different needs, desires, and beliefs, about our adoption and our birth family. We all have the right to different feelings and ways that we choose to deal or not to deal with our adoption and birth families. Our differences do not make one of us right and the other one wrong.

There are adoptees who are content, happy and at peace with not having contact or searching for their birth... more

Continued......

I have to believe that I will know when the time is right and when my daughter can deal with the horrible facts that she will face. So, I cannot say I will give her the information when she turns 18 years old; she needs to be grounded with herself and in life to deal with the facts.

Even if adoptees are faced with dark secrets or horrible facts concerning their past, or how they came to be, they still have the right to know of their past. No one has the right, to decide what is best for someone else.

The big thing for adoptees in their search for information is not to go in expecting a happy story, go expecting to hear some difficult things. This... more

Continued.......

It is possible to, as they say open “Pandora’s Box” and things are not what you hoped for and imagined. It also could turn out to be a truly wonderful experience and one where you build a lasting relationship with your birth parents.

My daughter and son that we adopted through foster care came with a file about five inches thick. It starts when CPS came into the picture, ends at their adoption and also has birth family information that is provided to the adoptive parents. My daughter’s facts in the file are very different than her brother’s. For me to read about the past especially my daughter’s was at times more than I could bare, I would have to put... more

Do adoptees have the right to information about their adoption? What if you are an adoptee born in the time when birth mothers where promised, her identity would be protected? What if people know that the information about your past can be very painful for you?

Adoptees have the right to their information just as anyone else does. It is easier to process being adopted when you have an ideal of the beginning of your life. It should not be up to the court system, adoption agencies, or anyone else to decide if it is right for an adoptee to receive information about their adoption and birth parents. Yes, there was a time that it was believed that it would be best for everyone involved... more