Understanding why things happen in this life is not always easy. I shared my experience of visiting my brother’s grave but was unable to go into great detail because it was so emotional at that point. My oldest daughter went with me but sat in the car while I took this part of my adoption journey alone. It is something that I had to face alone not knowing how I would feel or react facing the reality of life or the end of it.

After some personal time I did ask my daughter if she would like to see my brother’s grave. She asked if he would have been her uncle. And I said yes but somewhat different since we... more

In the past, twins being separated through adoption were something that did happen without thinking about the effect on the twins over the long term. Adoptive parents in most cases did not realize they were adopting a twin and the other twin was being adopted by another family. I wonder how many families would have adopted twins if they had the knowledge that it was even a possibility. How many siblings were separated from their twin because of the adoption agency’s choice? Was it only to allow more couples the chance of parenting through adoption?

An adoptee went in search of her birth mother to find she had... more

Have you been thinking of searching for your birth mother or maybe you have run into a wall this may be the opportunity for you. ABC’s Wife Swap is hoping to do an episode that would reunite a birth mother and female adoptee. The show would search for your birth mother and both parties would have to agree with the meeting, while participating in the episode.

If you not familiar with the show, two wives switch houses and families for a week. Most families live very different lives and different areas which makes things... more

To look at a gravestone and see what remains of my birth brother is enormously overwhelming. While I knew in my teens of his death, I had never been to his grave. My birth mother has not really talked about him in any detail in our few conversations. It is so strange, I even wrote in journals as a young girl about how I wanted a big brother.

As I walked in the cemetery searching for my brother I did not know how I would feel seeing his grave. Then I see his name, my heart hurt so much. As I touched the cold marble I was with him. I was always under the impression that he had... more

The craziness and roller coaster ride is starting up again here. First I resent feeling summoned by my birth mother. A personal invitation would have felt better. My birth mother wants to set up a get together with me, my sister (adopted with me), herself and our half sister. With things being the way they are between me and my birth mother, makes the thought of this difficult.

Her health is starting to fail her which I assume makes her now decide to change things in some way. I do not know if I want to open myself up for more pain... more

Deciding to search for your birth parents is a very personal decision. The decision has to be for you, and not for anyone else. I am addressing a comment below.

I HAVE WANTED AND CAME SO CLOSE TO TRY AND FIND MY BIRTH PARENTS EVERY TIME I GO TO TRY I CHICKEN OUT DONT KNOW IF ITS ME OR HURTING MY ADOPTED PARENTS WE NEVER TALK ABOUT OUT IT UNLESS SOMEONE ALL OF A SUDDEN BRINGS IT UP THERES TIMES THAT I JUST WANT TO CRAWL IN A HOLE AND CRY BUT I HAVE 3 CHILDREN THAT ARE THE WORLD TO ME THAT SOMEWHAT DO, BUT DONT UNDERSTAND. I LOOK AT THEM AND CANT UNDERSTAND EITHER. THERE... more

I have talked about searching for your birth parents and hoping for an ideal reunion. Sometimes our ideas or dreams are completely crushed or have a completely different outcome than we envisioned. The truth of knowing is better than not knowing.

An adoptee born in Korea named Aaron started his search years ago for his birth family during his time in the Army as a medic. He had to face the challenges of how adoption is viewed in Korea. That most of Korea tends to have a negative view of adoption and understanding... more

Once contact has been made with your birth parents a honeymoon period will begin just as do most beginning relationships. It is very easy to get caught up in the euphoria of the experiences of connecting to your past and birth family. The honeymoon period is about joy, happiness, and love, to different degrees. A honeymoon period is not a bad thing at all. It is about preparing ourselves for what comes next. Some honeymoon periods may be short while others are long.

We want to be accepted for the person that we have grown into but we also have a part of... more

Some adoptees do not feel the need to reconnect, search or develop a relationship with their birth parents. Granted there are more adoptees that do want contact with their birth parents but there are a few that do not have this desire for whatever reason. Yes, this can seem very strange to different members of the adoption triad.

Adoptees that are content with their lives and do not have the desire for contact with their birth parents should not be made to feel pushed aside. It is very easy to portray to these adoptees that there is a problem with them... more

I often wondered why some adoptive parents were concerned and worried for their children to look for their birth mothers. After experiencing rejection from my birth mother myself and talking with others that have also experienced rejection, I realized something. Our parents (adoptive) want to protect us from any possible hurt so with the uncertainty that reunion can bring can be a scary thought for parents.

As an adoptive mother knowing the pain the rejection can bring, I want to protect my own children. Not all adoptees have the “ideal” birth mother that is just a fact of life. My adopted children’s birth mother did not visit, make contact, call to check on them or anything else... more