The truth is that people do not need to know the details of an adoptee’s past. I remember as a child when people learned I was adopted they would ask my mom about the details even if I was right there. My mom would change the subject or ask them inappropriate questions. I remember we were at the beauty shop and this happened. My mom asked her if her child has planned or was she unexpected? The lady did not appreciate my mom’s question. They exchanged some words before it got too heated my mom told me to run on. I watched from afar and liked seeing this lady get upset when someone asked her personal questions.

To this day I am surprised at the questions that I am asked by strangers,... more

Other people knowing about personal information about the adoptee’s birth family, reasons for being adopted etc. before the adoptee knows can lead to problems. Problems can arise especially with your other children knowing details before an adoptee knows these details.

You can say something to Aunt Martha casually about your adopted daughter's birth family being involved in drugs or that the adoptee’s birth mother could not care for another baby. Then Aunt Martha mentions this to another family member and before you know it everyone in your family has heard and details have been added along the way. One day your adopted daughter is playing with other children at a family function... more

I have watched two of my daughters struggle with bonding and forming their own relationship. I do understand that the age difference does have an impact on this, but there is a rift starting to form between them. My hearts breaks for my young baby daughter (adopted), because I know the pain that she is starting to feel.

I am haunted by the thought of my children not having a close relationship with each other. I want so much to spare my baby daughter the pain of feeling rejected by her sister as I did growing up and still face to this day. I have spent a lot of time talking with my oldest daughter (birth) about this and I do understand some of her feelings. I am super close to these... more

Bonding to siblings is a very important connection for an adoptee to have and maintain for a number of reasons. As we get older, we need the family connection for support, sharing, and for our children. As young people, we just do not always understand this. We may get caught up in the differences that each of us may feel. Whether it is differences with adopted or birth children or maybe some of both.

I speak from experience as an adoptee and an adoptive mother. I was adopted with my sister into an adoptive family that already had a birth child. I also, have a birth daughter and adopted two children that are siblings. The funny thing is I was the same age as my mom when I adopted... more

When some adoptees start to talk about being adopted, the first things that come up are the differences, challenges, and issues that they have dealt with or are working on. When you start talking about a happy childhood, memories, and the joy that you have experienced being adopted, that generally falls under a happy childhood and not usually associated with being adopted.

This has been a big struggle for me on writing as an adoptee, since I tend to write about the struggles and issues that some adoptees may face along their adoption journey. There is great joy and happiness that can be found in adoption. I would not trade being adopted for anything.

As an adoptee, I had... more

In life there are boundaries everywhere we go and with all the relationships we have. Each of our friendships have different limits. With our best friend, we may have very open boundaries to the point of not having any, but then, with another friend we may not share or talk with her about our marriage problems or other real personal issues. These are two different boundaries. Boundaries are not negative things. They are necessary. Boundaries allow us to know what to expect with our friends, work environment, school, church, and with all of our relationships.

Parents start to set boundaries with their young children. The children do test those boundaries, but learn to work and accept... more

A fellow adoptee will share her thoughts and meeting her birth mother for the first time. Below are her words and story.

My first visit with my birth mother was very awkward for me. I knew of my birth mother, but I had no idea who was my birth father. I contacted my birth mother to get that information.

I called her, and I set up a time and place to meet her. I decided a restaurant was a good place. Having food in front of you gives you something to do with your hands and does make the awkwardness less apparent.

My birth mother was on time. She was friendly and very apologetic. I had never heard all the information that I was told before that day. My birth... more

How does an adoptee include his or her adoptive and birth family in special events in his or her life without problems? I have been asked to address this issue. There is not a simple answer and it can vary with each family and event.

There will be major events graduation, marriage or birth of a child that you may want to include your adoptive and birth family. Hopefully, your adoptive family is somewhat accepting of your birth family. Maybe they are not friends with you birth family but they understand that your birth family is important to you and you want them in your life.

Talking with your adoptive parents is the first step. Explain to them that you would like to... more

A knock on the door and in front of you stands a stranger or stangers calling themselves your family, it can be overwhelming if you are not prepared for it. Yes, the people may be your birth family, but at that point they are strangers to you.

One response is to be happy and hope to build a relationship with them. Some adoptees will have these feelings. Maybe they have prepared themselves for contact with the birth family. If an adoptee has been searching for his or her birth family, this could be a good surprise for him or her. This could be the beginning to a great start in building a relationship with your birth family.

Another response can be a shock or even to close... more

Continued.........

She goes on about seeing my daughter, and that she lives close to my apartment, how she wants to help me with the baby, then steamroll right into my birth mother, and her feelings about my daughter, that she has also being calling the hospital for updates on her, she cannot wait to see her, and on and on. I panic, they seem so obsessed with my daughter. What do they want? I am scared out of my mind at this point and hand the phone to my husband. A few days ago I’m fighting for my life, the life of my daughter and now some strangers were barging into my life. The phone continued ringing and even from other birth family members. I ended up calling my dad and he... more