Some people believe parenting is for a lifetime while others believe it is until they turn 18 year old or become independent. When I hear a parent saying, “I cannot wait until she moves out and my job is done.” I always question statements like these when I hear parents make them. Honestly this is a pet peeve of mine. I thought being a parent was a lifetime commitment not just for a few years.

While I do know that some parents think that when the child (as an adult) moves out that is when their parenting responsibility stops. I think we all need our parents which also includes parenting from time to time at any age. Heck…I am getting close to my forties and I need my parents... more

The question of how to talk with your children about your adoption has been asked. Well, this is something every adoptee probably has their idea about how it should be done.

If your children are unaware of your adoption, then start with explaining adoption in general, then explain that you were adopted. My personal opinion is do not sit down one day and unleash your whole life adoptive story to your children. The whole idea of adoption may take them some time to process. This can also allow them time to think about how you being adopted affects them and gives them the opportunity... more

When adoptees find their birth families and things to do not work out this is a statement that they may hear a lot. While no one wants to be rejected or find a disastrous relationship it is more than that.

Knowing what I know would I do it again? Yes, I would try and have contact with my birth mother and sister even knowing that things would not work out. I made the choice to have contact for myself, not for others. I had questions that I needed answered that only my birth mother could answer.

While no adoptee searches, or goes into a reunion... more

While I have heard people respond to adoption with the statement, “With adoption you do not know what you will get.”. Sorry, I do not know a lot of things in life that we get lifetime guarantees with. Pregnancies with your own biological baby are for from any guarantee. Isn’t this the reason for a host of test that are done on the expected mother and baby?

In parenting of any kind there is not one guarantee. While some people believe that children born from their own genetic make-up you know what you will get. The truth is that a biological child can... more

While children are conceived with donated embryos, sperm or eggs, without knowing their history and their birth families hmm….I guess their proper title would be biological families since they were not involved in the birth. These children do not grow up as adoptees since there was not a legal adoption. They do still deal with some of the same issues and feelings that adoptees face.

These children do not have their medical history, biological connection, and knowledge of their beginnings just like adoptees. I would venture to guess that some of these... more

There seems to be a misconception that adoptees should feel the same way along with having the same issues. This is totally an unrealistic view of adoptees just as it is with any other individuals. I understand that there are adoptees that are dealing with a great deal of pain, major issues and feelings concerning being adopted. I have never minimized these adoptees feelings or issues. After saying that, let me also say that not all adoptees fall in that category.

While I do relate to a lot of other adoptees’ feelings or issues I do not agree with every... more

Differences as Adoptee and Adoptive Mom with Conversations

As an adoptee, the second area is how I tend to be. Why? Maybe it was something to do with the society’s view towards adoptees: Something has to be wrong with them for their own mother not to want or love them. With adoption will come a whole host of mental problems facing the adoptees. Adoptees tend to be messed up people. Etc. The truth is that you cannot have a conversation with someone that looks... more

While reading Jenna’s blog; Handling Uncomfortable Conversations, it got me to thinking as an adoptee and adoptive mother. While I was commenting on her blog I was thinking of conversations I have from two very different viewpoints. I found myself realizing that I am very different when handling the conversations that tend to put adoption and triad members in a negative light very differently.

One area I am blunt, take nothing, put you in your place without... more

I have been asked how to respond when people or even children ask questions about an adoptee’s adoption information. Believe me, people can ask questions that some of us would never imagine asking of a stranger or acquaintance. A lot of the time it is done in front of the adoptee.

To be honest, it would depend on the question and what kind of personality you have. Some people are comfortable saying that it is none of your business while others could not do that in a million years. For me it depends on what kind of mood I am in on that day, and if the people are just trying to be nosy.

When my mom was questioned about why my birth mother gave me up for adoption, she explained... more

Continued

I did talk with my doctor (one I have been with for years) about what we were told. To my surprise she stated that she already thought my daughter was mixed for the entire year she had been treating her. I responded, “Why didn’t you say anything to me?” She responded, “ I did not think it mattered to you.” I said, “It does not matter. I would have liked you to share this with me instead of being the last to know. It seems so crazy I never thought of it. How do I begin to think about explaining this to her one day?” My doctor said the most helpful and amazing thing to me.... more