Virginia has initiated a new law “Putative Father Registry” this month. It allows men that have had sexual relations with a woman other than his wife if married, to record the encounter in case a pregnancy happens. This allows him to block any adoptions in the future without his knowledge.

A man can go file a report about their relations with their girlfriend, mistress, their one night stand, etc. online with the state. There is no limit to how many times he reports encounters.... more

In the grand scheme of things in adoption, is the title that you want others to call you so important. Is the title for the general public to call you or is it for the adoptee? By the way I have never been crazy about the title adoptee. Truthfully this is the only place I refer to myself or even others as adoptees. The title adoptee is what it is.It is just a way to identify a person that has been adopted nothing more or less. Seriously, I cannot see myself introducing myself as Abby the adoptee.

Using the title, "first mother", seems kind of strange. Would you also call your spouse... more

In life there are boundaries everywhere we go and with all the relationships we have. Each of our friendships have different limits. With our best friend, we may have very open boundaries to the point of not having any, but then, with another friend we may not share or talk with her about our marriage problems or other real personal issues. These are two different boundaries. Boundaries are not negative things. They are necessary. Boundaries allow us to know what to expect with our friends, work environment, school, church, and with all of our relationships.

Parents start to set boundaries with their young children. The children do test those boundaries, but learn to work and accept... more

A fellow adoptee will share her thoughts and meeting her birth mother for the first time. Below are her words and story.

My first visit with my birth mother was very awkward for me. I knew of my birth mother, but I had no idea who was my birth father. I contacted my birth mother to get that information.

I called her, and I set up a time and place to meet her. I decided a restaurant was a good place. Having food in front of you gives you something to do with your hands and does make the awkwardness less apparent.

My birth mother was on time. She was friendly and very apologetic. I had never heard all the information that I was told before that day. My birth... more

How does an adoptee include his or her adoptive and birth family in special events in his or her life without problems? I have been asked to address this issue. There is not a simple answer and it can vary with each family and event.

There will be major events graduation, marriage or birth of a child that you may want to include your adoptive and birth family. Hopefully, your adoptive family is somewhat accepting of your birth family. Maybe they are not friends with you birth family but they understand that your birth family is important to you and you want them in your life.

Talking with your adoptive parents is the first step. Explain to them that you would like to... more

A knock on the door and in front of you stands a stranger or stangers calling themselves your family, it can be overwhelming if you are not prepared for it. Yes, the people may be your birth family, but at that point they are strangers to you.

One response is to be happy and hope to build a relationship with them. Some adoptees will have these feelings. Maybe they have prepared themselves for contact with the birth family. If an adoptee has been searching for his or her birth family, this could be a good surprise for him or her. This could be the beginning to a great start in building a relationship with your birth family.

Another response can be a shock or even to close... more

Continued.........

She goes on about seeing my daughter, and that she lives close to my apartment, how she wants to help me with the baby, then steamroll right into my birth mother, and her feelings about my daughter, that she has also being calling the hospital for updates on her, she cannot wait to see her, and on and on. I panic, they seem so obsessed with my daughter. What do they want? I am scared out of my mind at this point and hand the phone to my husband. A few days ago I’m fighting for my life, the life of my daughter and now some strangers were barging into my life. The phone continued ringing and even from other birth family members. I ended up calling my dad and he... more

Continued..........

In my heart I knew she was meant to be. My husband and I planned on the possibility of me not surviving the birth of my daughter. So, I was faced very day with the emotions of planning my funeral arrangements, how I wanted my daughter raised, who would help my husband raise my daughter, the thought of never seeing my beloved daughter’s face, so many more thoughts and arrangements for me to deal with. The delivery room was filled with doctors, specialist, emergency personal around 15 – 20. Everyone started talking in their medical terms while rushing around the room, bringing at the defibrialtors beside my bed and preparing them. It really sent home at that moment... more

Both need to be prepared and willing for a reunion, contact or a relationship. In the beginning other birth family members can only make things more difficult and overwhelming to the adoptee when they become involved too fast or push themselves into an adoptee’s life. Timing is everything when birth mother and birth family decide to pop into the adoptee’s life. If the adoptee is going through a important event in their life, like marriage, pregnancy, birth of a child, divorce, death of adoptive parent and other life events, it may not the best time to establish contact. An adoptee needs to be in a place that they can emotionally deal with this and time to become comfortable with it.

My... more