Reunion: Not Always Perfect

I know and have heard from several adoptees that when they found their birth mother or family that they did not want any more contact. Some relationships after a reunion can disintegrate or never get started for any number of reasons. Some people in the adoption community find this so hard to believe. Do you think adoptees are seeking a birth mother to be rejected once again? There can be any number of reasons that can lead up to this, some we will probably never know or even understand.

I do understand that it can be hard for some people to understand, accept or... more

It is so strange to hear people talk about birth mothers and birth families like they are all the same. I do understand that there are a lot of birth mothers that are great mothers. They may have been faced with a pregnancy at a time in their life they could not deal with, that does not mean every birth mother falls under this heading.

When a birth mother was making bad choices (meaning drugs, multiple men, abuse of her children, living with continued violence, in and out of jail, etc.) that may have lead to her placing a child up for adoption and then continues through her life making the same choices. This can change everything for an adoptee; their feelings, relationships, and... more

The feelings of rejection can affect adoptees differently. I imagine it depends on a number of different things such as the type and/or length of rejection. The adoptees' personality and the support and love they received will impact how they deal with the rejection. Every person deals and reacts to things in their own way and this is no different.

I blogged about my feelings of rejection by my older sister (birth child) in the posting Adoptee’s Feelings of Rejection. This has impacted my life and me as a person. I do not allow people to get close to me. This does make some people think I am... more

The feeling of rejection can be a common feeling among adoptees. The rejection can come from so many different places and at so many different degrees. Does the rejection affect an adoptee? Yes, any rejection affects people.

You most likely will feel rejected by your birth family at some point that does not mean you will always feel this way. Most adoptees work through these feelings on their own. The rejection for some adoptees goes much deeper and can cause them great pain.

Rejection by society can be everywhere an adoptee turns. The media seems to only talk about the negative aspects of adoptees. Schools can make a child feel different and rejected by their lessons... more

Do not set yourself up for disappointment when you are making contact with your birth family. Do not go in thinking it will be what you have been dreaming about, and it will be blissfully happy. It is best to go thinking that there will be bumps along the road and do not set expectations too high. You may be pleasantly surprised and it may be end up being your dream. It is easier when we do not add the stress of dreams and high expectations in the beginning of the relationships or when contact begins.

There are a lot of birth mothers that gave their children up for adoption for reasons that are clearly way out of their control, or they were just not prepared to care of a child at... more

This was on my list of topics to write about his month. Kelly, the foster adopt blogger wrote about this from an adoptive mother’s view this month, so I thought about putting off my post. Since my view is from an adoptee’s view, this just shows two different sides and views from different people involved in adoption.

Nature does a play a large part of a child’s life. Adopted children get their physical traits and medical history from their birth family. Adopted children may also inherit learning disabilities from the birth family. Does nature have the most impact on a child’s outcome in... more

There are things that adoption can teach adoptees about life and so much more. Yes, there are good and bad learning experiences in all areas of life, but today I am talking about the good.

Unconditional love is the greatest thing I believe an adoptee can get from adoption. For me to know that my adoptive parents are there for me no matter what mistakes I make in my life and I know that their unconditional love will always be there for me. The most amazing thing is that these people made a choice and wanted to provide you this unconditional love and make you a part of their family.

Understanding and caring is most important things you learn from being adopted. You learn... more

Should all adoptions be open? Are there benefits to having a closed adoption?

I do believe that open adoption can be a great benefit for all parties. This does not mean it is right for everyone. I was adopted in a closed adoption. I feel that it was the right thing for my family and me. I do not feel that I have suffered from being in a closed adoption. My parents provided me the information to find my birth mother and left the choice of contact up to me. As an adult, I was able to figure out how my birth family would fit in my life, if... more

This can be stressful and a lot for you to deal with, so going slow and taking your time can help this process. You need to think of what you want out of contacting your birth family, a full family contact, occasional phone call and emails this could possibly include some in-person visits, or just a one time meeting. The next thing you need to think of is what you hope to get out of searching or making contact with your birth family, to have a relationship with them, to get medical information, or just the story of your beginning and what happened.

Every person involved in this process, should respect the other person's feelings, thoughts, desires, and beliefs. Being open, up front... more

Each adoptee will have different views, thoughts, and opinions, very strong ones at that about their birth families. For one person searching for his or her birth family can be everything and another person does not have any interest in contact with his or her birth families. As adoptees we all have different needs, desires, and beliefs, about our adoption and our birth family. We all have the right to different feelings and ways that we choose to deal or not to deal with our adoption and birth families. Our differences do not make one of us right and the other one wrong.

There are adoptees who are content, happy and at peace with not having contact or searching for their birth... more