I have been asked how to respond when people or even children ask questions about an adoptee’s adoption information. Believe me, people can ask questions that some of us would never imagine asking of a stranger or acquaintance. A lot of the time it is done in front of the adoptee.

To be honest, it would depend on the question and what kind of personality you have. Some people are comfortable saying that it is none of your business while others could not do that in a million years. For me it depends on what kind of mood I am in on that day, and if the people are just trying to be nosy.

When my mom was questioned about why my birth mother gave me up for adoption, she explained... more

Continued

I did talk with my doctor (one I have been with for years) about what we were told. To my surprise she stated that she already thought my daughter was mixed for the entire year she had been treating her. I responded, “Why didn’t you say anything to me?” She responded, “ I did not think it mattered to you.” I said, “It does not matter. I would have liked you to share this with me instead of being the last to know. It seems so crazy I never thought of it. How do I begin to think about explaining this to her one day?” My doctor said the most helpful and amazing thing to me.... more

Reality is that a lot of adoptees will grow up in transracial homes, different ethic siblings, or themselves being a mixed race. I have been educating myself concerning adoptees facing these challenges. There will be things that come up occasional (maybe a lot) concerning differences in a transracial family.

Some adoptive parents know from the “get go” that they want to adopt children of another race, while others are open to the idea and then there are a few of us that stumbles into it or it just works out that way.

I was one of the stumbling ones. I never thought of race when I looked at one of my toddlers that I adopted. We were blessed to foster a baby girl that we... more

There is good and bad in everything in life. When an adoptive parent turns out to not be a great or even a bad parent or an adoption has negative outcomes it seems to lead many people's thoughts and opinions to adoption is negative in general. Some people believe that there are only a selected few adoptees that feel positive towards adoption. That is not necessarily the case.

Granted there are some not so great and even terrible adoptive parents but also there are a huge number of biological parents that also have major problems. The huge differences are that we do not call for doing away with parenting but adoptive parenting is fair game. There is not anything in this world that... more

We must realize that adoption is not a clearly painted picture. The reality is that there are several different pictures of adoption and the issues or reasons are not always cut and dry. One major thing is that some people do not stop and realize what kind of lives some adoptees would have faced without being adopted.

Yes, I do understand the some birth mothers have given up a child and then get to a point that they could have parented the child. There are also birth mothers that do not fit into that category. It could be because of their choices in life or things that are beyond their control.

There are older children, sibling groups and children... more

Is the amount of monies involved in adoption a concern? Yes, without a doubt. The monies concerns involve all members in the adoption arena. No one should be making large profits on a child or baby needing a family.

An adoptee friend’s birth mother had her college paid for by the adoptive parents. To my friend she felt like her birth mother gave her away for a college education. The adoptive parents did not do this in a bad way. They had money and wanted to help the birth mother of the child to have a better life.

The government controlling and handling all adoption concerns me for several reasons. Let’s look at our foster care system. It is in shambles, plagued with... more

Adoptee and the Question of “Why

My best friend and I differ on our reviews on that adopted children deserves to know about their entire past the good, bad and ugly. My adopted children come from difficult pasts. One of my adopted children has a horrible past, that as I sit reading her file I cried for her and sick to stomach with the details of her beginning and the pain that she will one day learn. My friend believes I should burn the files and never tell my child the truth.

As an adoptee, I would have felt betrayed deceived if my parents would have keep the truth from me. That is my past... more

Owlhaven's post, “Adoption Loss: talking about the 'why'” made me think about my question of “Why”. She was talking about what to tell adopted children the reason their birth families had chosen adoption for them. I do not know of an adoptee that has not asked or thought numerous times, “Why did my birth parents give me away or even not love me?”

As an adoptee I was told that my birth mother was unable to take care of me so, she wanted my adoptive parent’s to be my mom and dad and take care of me. My parent’s did know more about my birth mother’s life but decided to share more details when... more

People through life decide to build theories, paint others to be a certain way because it validates their decisions in their lives. When it comes to light that it is not always that way, then anger comes up while being defensive. We all have choices and decisions in life that we make that are our responsibility.

There seems to be some major confusion about the post “Expectations of an Adoptee”. I referenced a post “Are Adoptees “Lost”?” (that I wrote on 05/25/07) and a birth mother assumed that I was referring to a post that... more

Adoptees should have full access to their birth and adoption records when they turn 18 years old. An adoptee should not have to beg adoption agencies or petition the courts for their own information concerning their past and birth families. Birth parent information should also be provided and leave it up to the birth parents to decide if they want to have a relationship with the child they gave up.

Adoption does not only involve babies. Foster children and other adoptions are also impacted by the laws that govern adoptions. We need to make a point to... more