There are so many things in life we do not expect nor ever see coming, the same is to be said about adoption. Adoption is not the rainbow at the end of a storm. Some people think of adoption or the life as an adoptee as “Annie” the movie, with endless happiness, riches, and don’t forget the wonderful singing ability. While others see adoption or the life as an adoptee as bad, or even horrible, with rejection, something is wrong with her, that she is unloved, etc. For most adoptees neither of these images is the truth. In most cases we are being raised by a parent, or parents that love... more

Facing the Truth in Adoption

I always thought a parent’s love for a child and their relationship should withstand almost anything. I think I will always long for the love of my mom, but I now have to face the fact that it was never there. My mom had a life changing event in her life, moved back home without leaving a forwarding phone number or address for me or my sister. I got the pleasure of finding out everything from my sister (birth daughter) who was reluctant to tell me anything, but that mom... more

Being Adopted When Things Go Wrong

There are times in our lives that we have to face the truth no matter how painful and desperately we do not want to. The truth of the day shadows the moments of the past and uncovering long ago truths that we did not and could not conceive of being the truth. In time the truth does come out, leaving us questioning every moment and memory of our life. Could I have been seeing things with my rose-colored glasses because without them what I saw was too unbearable?... more

There are so many things in life that we have to face that we want to run away from. To face the things we cannot change and try to make sense of them can leave you at a complete loss. Sometimes we find ourselves hoping against all hope that things will change even if we know the chance of that happening is very small.

There are some things that are so truly painful that we choose not to see things as they are. Causing some of us to ignore and refuse to see the truth because the truth is too ugly. The truth is like having the air crushed out of you. I finally have been forced... more

The question of how to talk with your children about your adoption has been asked. Well, this is something every adoptee probably has their idea about how it should be done.

If your children are unaware of your adoption, then start with explaining adoption in general, then explain that you were adopted. My personal opinion is do not sit down one day and unleash your whole life adoptive story to your children. The whole idea of adoption may take them some time to process. This can also allow them time to think about how you being adopted affects them and gives them the opportunity... more

To look at a gravestone and see what remains of my birth brother is enormously overwhelming. While I knew in my teens of his death, I had never been to his grave. My birth mother has not really talked about him in any detail in our few conversations. It is so strange, I even wrote in journals as a young girl about how I wanted a big brother.

As I walked in the cemetery searching for my brother I did not know how I would feel seeing his grave. Then I see his name, my heart hurt so much. As I touched the cold marble I was with him. I was always under the impression that he had... more

The craziness and roller coaster ride is starting up again here. First I resent feeling summoned by my birth mother. A personal invitation would have felt better. My birth mother wants to set up a get together with me, my sister (adopted with me), herself and our half sister. With things being the way they are between me and my birth mother, makes the thought of this difficult.

Her health is starting to fail her which I assume makes her now decide to change things in some way. I do not know if I want to open myself up for more pain... more

Deciding to search for your birth parents is a very personal decision. The decision has to be for you, and not for anyone else. I am addressing a comment below.

I HAVE WANTED AND CAME SO CLOSE TO TRY AND FIND MY BIRTH PARENTS EVERY TIME I GO TO TRY I CHICKEN OUT DONT KNOW IF ITS ME OR HURTING MY ADOPTED PARENTS WE NEVER TALK ABOUT OUT IT UNLESS SOMEONE ALL OF A SUDDEN BRINGS IT UP THERES TIMES THAT I JUST WANT TO CRAWL IN A HOLE AND CRY BUT I HAVE 3 CHILDREN THAT ARE THE WORLD TO ME THAT SOMEWHAT DO, BUT DONT UNDERSTAND. I LOOK AT THEM AND CANT UNDERSTAND EITHER. THERE... more

Learning Difficult Information - Could it be Easier?

Learning Difficult Information From Adoptive Parents

This is why I, personally, I do not believe in a setting an age for when to tell adoptees the information. Remember we are not talking about discussing being adopted or other basic adoption information what adoptees should know from an early age. Some teens are more mature than their... more

Continued.....

It is kind of like now I am still dealing with this in my own way and time. At this point I do not want to talk about this openly with my family or friends. My husband learned of this by reading my blog, knows me well enough to know that I do not want to discuss it. The only thing he said to me was, “You are a great mother and I glad that you did not have this shadowing you, and making you second guess your mothering ability.” People that know me realize that I need time... more