[Continued from HERE.]

Is there nothing you can change? Are you powerless? No. Absolutely not. You may not have a say at birth or during the first few years of life, but you can be fairly in control of your life now. It is your turn to choose: your ‘adult’ family including your friends, your significant other and whether or not to have children. You are also responsible for choosing your job, your religion,... more

[Continued from HERE.]

Having done all this work, separating and sorting and generally de-distorting the adoption-related ins and outs of your life, it is a good time to accept unequivocally the fact you were adopted … it is part of the unchangeable story of you.

Here’s an ironic nibble, if you will: once you were officially adopted and became part of your family, the adoption part was over.... more

[Continued from HERE.]

So I have just one favor to ask of you. It’s not really a favor to me. It is a favor to your self.

Go to a quiet place, both physically and as much as possible, mentally. Think about each of the things that make you angry about being adopted, the things that have plagued you and made you feel so alone your whole life. I mean REALLY think about them. Break each one down to their... more

[Continued from HERE.]

p.p.p.s. Notes To My Fellow Adoptees

A long, long series, this has been: pages and pages of “Issues and Issues” leading to a bunch of well-intentioned, far too bossy post scripts. Finally, this is it, the caboose of the series, the p.s. to end all others, the last leg of the pot getting some bolstering and buffing, the one to my peers … the one they may not want... more

[Continued from HERE.] Here are more pitfalls to hop over in parent land...

Sibling Rivalry/Jealously This is such a normal thing, but the adoption factor can add a level if there is an adopted/biological mix in your family. Don’t be surprised though, if the jealousy is not coming from the adoptee child. (... more

[Continued from HERE.]

There are some specific pit-falls that I know can lead down the “woe-is-adopted-me” path. Some of these holes that could swallow your adoptee (and you) whole are:

BE HONEST! If you haven’t told your child they were adopted by now, and your child is more than eight years old: DO IT NOW!!! And please, don’t just hand your kid a book and say ‘read this’... more

[Continued from HERE.]

Again, the adoption-inspired feeling you probably want for your child is not "different," as from there it is a short hop to "freak." The goal feeling should probably be "similar, but special and unique."

How? Well, maybe it needs to start with a gentle reminder to yourself that your child will have her/his own relationship with their having been adopted, regardless of your intentions for that... more

[Continued from HERE.]

Maybe the best way for me to explain exactly what I mean without having it convoluted is to share a little, “hmm, I never knew that about myself” moment with you.

A few months ago a friend introduced me at a small gathering saying, “Hey, everyone, this is Jupe. She’s adopted, too.” My friend is an adoptive parent as well as an adoption advocate, so there is context with the introduction... more

[Continued from HERE.]

Sandra Hanks Benoiton, over at the Older Parent and International Adoption blogs, left me a comment at one point in this ‘Issues’ series saying:

“As an adoptive mom, I wonder what I can do to help my kids process their realities without spinning... more

[Continued from HERE.]

Yes, after birth, there was adoption, giving us the second leg of our three-legged pot … and the recipient group of this particular post script:

p.p.s. A Note to Adoptive Parents

Apparently, there are plenty of adoptive parents worried because of the emotional impact many blogging adoptees attribute to having been adopted. There is a lot of negativity... more