Adoption & Young Adoptees

I came up with an image of my parents strolling through some large place that babies where kept that were up for adoption all on my own. In my mind the moment they saw me I was their baby and they picked me out of all the other babies. In all honesty, it is the farthest thing from the truth. In that point in time, I needed to feel that my parents chose me over all else maybe to me that meant they loved me more than anything else.

I cannot even begin to tell... more

When I read Deb Donatti’s “Adoption Confusion and Proposed Baby Selling, Hits Way Too Close To Home!” it got me to thinking of my thoughts and ideas of adoption as a young child. I think children, especially young children come up with their own way or ideas to process the adoption “thing” in their own way. Truly it probably does not have much to do with what our parents tell us. When I was around six years old, I thought, and imagined my adoption played out like this. My parents... more

Do adopted babies and children suffer from the same intense feelings about adoption and the feelings of loss? This seems to be discussed quite a bit on the internet. I guess it would depend on who you talked to and his or her experiences.

When children are adopted, they come with memories, deep bonds of their birth family, and their sense of being has been developing over time. Their feelings and connection to all of these things are extremely powerful. The struggle that some adopted children struggle with is the betrayal that they feel towards either their adoptive or birth families. Some of these children are haunted by their memories of the past and then by the new memories they... more

What if your birth parents had raised you? I hear other adoptees talking about how their lives might have been if they were not adopted and raised by their birth family. Yes, if you have a normal and loving birth family, I can see one having the thought. The reality is if the child was not placed up for adoption, this would have an impact on the events of the birth family. Changing the smallest event in time can changed the whole outcome.

As a child I wanted a brother so desperately that I continued to beg my parents to adopt a boy. Much later I learned that I had an older half brother and an older half sister that my birth mother raised. Could she have raised my sister and me?... more

For most adoptees, the fantasy of his or her birth family is pretty natural. Most thoughts are just harmless fantasies or maybe a way for a child to deal with being adopted. This by itself does not mean that the child is having serious issues with being adopted. A child could be fantasizing that his or her birth family is not aware that they have been adopted. The thought that he or she was lost by the birth parents, or the birth parents just left him or her for a short time and will come back for them. It is easier for the child to think of than the truth that he or she was given up for adoption. This could last a few days or a couple months until the child is able to come to terms... more

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Is there anything else I could be doing to keep the lines of communication open? I want him to always be able to talk to me about his feelings, no matter the topic and no matter what those feelings are.

I believe the key is to being open about adoption. The more casual and normal you can be when talking about adoption or birth families, would make it easier. That may sound kind of strange but think about when we have “serious talks” , you have a different attitude, feelings and mind set. I am not saying there will not be serious talks about their adoption, at times there will be. I think to open the lines of communication, is keep... more

Some questions were raised from another blog that I have done. So I will post each question and answer below.

You said that you fear "hurting" your dad by raising the topic with him. Has he said anything to give you the impression that talking about the adoption would hurt him, or is this something you pick up on in his body language? Or does he rarely raise the topic itself, giving the impression that the topic might hurt him? I am asking for my own situation because, as an adoptive mother, talking about my son's adoption is not painful. I would hate for him to not talk to me about it to "protect" me from being hurt when; truly, the subject would not hurt me.

There... more

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I was in the middle of an ARD for my oldest daughter and her special ed. teacher announced that she did not know that my son was adopted. I was a little shocked since we had just moved to the area a few months before. I sat staring at her in shock that she would bring this up in front of others, how exactly was this related to my oldest daughter’s education special needs. Needless to say they could tell I was a little upset. I did remind everyone that anything discussed in an ARD was privileged information and I appreciated it if they would keep any information they had learned to themselves.

The teacher did apologize after the meeting. She explained that... more

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It is hard enough in junior high without a teacher making it more difficult for you. Only one of my friends knew I was adopted before my sister’s teacher decided to announce to the school that we both were adopted. I totally refused to discuss being adopted with anyone, even friends. I did learn that a couple of more girls that I was friendly with where also adopted but they did not want everyone to know.

Personally I believe it should up to the adopted child who and when to tell others about them being adopted. I did finally talk to my friends about being adopted but it had to be when I was ready and able to deal with the questions. Think about it,... more

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I remember in school my sister (also adopted) took Home Ec Class, the part about babies and such came up. Everyone had to bring their baby books and pictures as a newborn. This was part of an assignment. Another part of the assignment was a questionnaire about your birth. Being adopted makes getting your birth details a little hard. My sister tried to tell the teacher that she could not do the assignment and then the teacher said she would then receive a failing grade for the assignment. My mom had to write a note to the teacher explaining that she was adopted, so she... more