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She goes on about seeing my daughter, and that she lives close to my apartment, how she wants to help me with the baby, then steamroll right into my birth mother, and her feelings about my daughter, that she has also being calling the hospital for updates on her, she cannot wait to see her, and on and on. I panic, they seem so obsessed with my daughter. What do they want? I am scared out of my mind at this point and hand the phone to my husband. A few days ago I’m fighting for my life, the life of my daughter and now some strangers were barging into my life. The phone continued ringing and even from other birth family members. I ended up calling my dad and he... more

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In my heart I knew she was meant to be. My husband and I planned on the possibility of me not surviving the birth of my daughter. So, I was faced very day with the emotions of planning my funeral arrangements, how I wanted my daughter raised, who would help my husband raise my daughter, the thought of never seeing my beloved daughter’s face, so many more thoughts and arrangements for me to deal with. The delivery room was filled with doctors, specialist, emergency personal around 15 – 20. Everyone started talking in their medical terms while rushing around the room, bringing at the defibrialtors beside my bed and preparing them. It really sent home at that moment... more

Both need to be prepared and willing for a reunion, contact or a relationship. In the beginning other birth family members can only make things more difficult and overwhelming to the adoptee when they become involved too fast or push themselves into an adoptee’s life. Timing is everything when birth mother and birth family decide to pop into the adoptee’s life. If the adoptee is going through a important event in their life, like marriage, pregnancy, birth of a child, divorce, death of adoptive parent and other life events, it may not the best time to establish contact. An adoptee needs to be in a place that they can emotionally deal with this and time to become comfortable with it.

My... more

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The beginning of my being may not have been the ideal or best of circumstances, but I know it is what it is and I cannot change it nor do I want to. Being born to a mother that chose drugs, men and bad life choices other than her unborn baby, is not something someone wants to hear but again it is what is. Choosing to not allow the negatives of your being for the beginning to control or cast a dark shadow over your life is the important thing. The birth mother that placed an unborn baby at such risk for a life filled with unknown possible effects of her choices would have on her unwanted baby; I have made peace with her choices. I cannot lie that was the hardest... more

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Getting stuck or hung up on being adopted is the worse thing for an adoptee. Allow yourself to go through all the different emotions that one may feel, but not be consumed by them. Do not allow what other people say or think about adoption affect your feelings concerning being an adoptee. So many people talk before thinking about what they are saying or how it will affect others. The images of adoption and the people that are involved with it are not always portrayed in a positive light in this life. It is up to each one of us to look for understanding of our adoption,... more

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The truth is just that, with it you have to accept the things you have no control over. Yes, this can be difficult for one to accept and find peace with, but it is what it is and everyone deserves to know the truth about their life from the beginning.

Dealing and accepting your adoption can be a lengthy journey that changes from time to time. One person may need the support of counseling where another may find peace much easier. The thing to remember is there is not a wrong or a right way for one to feel or to deal with being adopted. You have to find something... more

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The other sad side is that an adoptee may be faced with is a birth mother with an unwanted pregnancy or child. As I have stated before in a past blog, and know that it sounds harsh, but in some cases it is the truth. When you deal with foster care adoption you probably see this more often. A had a bio mother that had lost four children as toddlers and babies to foster care, she continued with making bad choices in her life with drugs abuse, abusing her children, placing them in dangerous situations, and losing her children did not seem to make a difference to her. When... more

This is something that takes time and will not happen overnight. The effects will have different impact on everyone involved and every adoption. The way one person may find peace with being adopted may not work for another. Things and feelings also change as you get older, going through different phases of your life, and learning more information about your adoption leads to more to process.

As a child you have basic information about why and the reasons surrounding your adoption. As you become a young adult, most likely you will have information about your past, reasons surrounding your adoption. These can be different as night and day for some.

A number of adoptees are... more

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My opinion is adoption may have affected her life along with some heartache, but she created her own misery because she continued to hold on to the pain and it became her life. That was her choice not her birth parents or adoptive parents. So, the reality is there will also be adoptees that have pain and major issues with being adopted because of bad parenting not adoption it’s self.

Good adoption is something you do not hear so much about. Maybe it is just viewed as a happy normal childhood and you just happen to be adopted. If we are happy we do not go searching why we are happy, we just want to be happy. I have never really thought about my adoption... more

Every adoption is different and every adoptee will have totally different experiences. I think we can all be honest that there are good ones and bad ones. It seems that we hear a lot about bad adoption and adoptees that have major issues with being adopted.

First, let’s admit that there is good and bad in everything in life including parenting and yes, even adoptive parenting. When adoptive parents turn out to be bad parents due to poor parenting, maybe not adopted for the right reasons and maybe they are not involved with their children at all, it does not really have anything to do with adoption. They would be bad parents whether they parented bio children or adoptive children,... more