Adoption is just like life, it is what we make of it (my personal opinion). In life you can focus on all the things you should have done or missed out on. It does not change things and tends to lead to unhappy people. Adoption is the same way. Yes, there is good and bad in adoption. I have not yet found anything perfect in this world. Chocolate melts in your mouth, makes you want more and it is quite delicious but it can bring unwanted pounds. Puppies are so soft, cute, cuddly and just plain adorable but they are huge responsibilities with time, money, space, etc.

Some adoptees grow up feeling they have been cheated out of their (birth) parents, siblings, culture, and other relatives.... more

As hard as it is to believe there are happy adoptees. Understand it does not mean that these adoptees are living in denial, lying to themselves, or anything else. I have never said or implied that a happy adoptee does not face or deal with some of the feelings of loss and other feelings that adoption brings.

Being adopted for some is just an aspect of their lives, and it does not define who they are or their lives. To others they are adults that have experienced a normal happy childhood, and adoption was just how the story began. Some adoptees feel that they were parented through adoption by the people that were meant to be their parents.

Just because an adoptee experiences... more

With adoption, there is a line in the sand that tends to be ignored by all. It involves us all whether we want to accept it or not. As an adoptee, I use to think that if you stayed out of the adoption scene, you could not be on one side or the other side. I think this also is placing you on a side.

Every side has so many different issues and thoughts. Generalized statements can bring people’s blood to the boiling point. Can we all ever get pass all of the division? There is so much talk about the children, but then it tends to be more about us, I, or we.

As an adoptee to hear people make the general statement that adoptions are unneeded and implied that adoptions are wrong... more

Adoption is such a complex and emotionally charged issue. We all have different thoughts and strong feelings about adoption just as we do with parenting, love, religion and politics.

Adoptive mothers are not hawks waiting for a pregnant lady to have a perfect baby that we can swoop down with a moment's notice and steal away the child. We do not go on the search looking for our prey to call our own. I do not think we are looking for ways to steal or adopt children unethically.

Can this and does this happen? Yes, but not with every adoption. Do some birth mothers regret their decision to place their baby up for adoption? Yes, I would imagine that most birth mothers have the... more

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I guess this eyebrow-furrowing phenomenon might come from the fact that we Americans often extol the virtues of exchange and sharing ideas. We idolize conversation, debate, protracted salubrious spittle-infested blather. We cherish our soap boxes and our pseudo-mediatory dialogue with equal relish. And yet, in our modern incarnation, we find it incredibly difficult to actually read what someone... more

I finally told my Mom the other day about my writing this blog for Adoption.com. She quickly passed the word on to my sisters and father even before I could click my heals together and say, "There's no place like home." There's also no grapevine in the world as effective as that of my mother!

I wasn’t sure I wanted to tell my family about my blog as I suspected there were some things I would have been willing to write about under the anonymity of my pseudonym that I wouldn’t necessarily want my family to know. Try... more

[Continued from HERE.] From my point of view, the need for unhappy adoptees to believe that happy adoptees will someday be just as miserable as they are about being adopted is yet one more indicator of the “human” part of human nature. It is the same part that causes those who are quite devout in their religion to be dismissive of anyone else that is equally devout but to a different religion,... more

“When I have posted in the past about my experience with adult adoptees [being happy], it has been insinuated that there may be denial.”

This quote is one part of a comment on my most recent blog. The reader makes clear her frustration. While she can understand that some adoptees might not be pleased that they were adopted, she can... more

[Continued from HERE.]

So what is my point, you may be wondering. I guess it is this: every person has their issues that stem from the way they grew up. Most people do not get to choose their parents/family, whether adopted or born into it.

Fact is, life is tricky business. It can at times seem easier to focus on something obvious rather than to concentrate on the real issue. Trying to figure out a way to improve... more

[Continued from HERE.]

Another set of circumstances under which I have heard fellow adoptees say that they hate being adopted is when their parents weren’t honest about how they came into the family. People in this situation have told me they feel betrayed, that their entire lives were a lie. I completely understand their anger, frustration and incredible confusion.

Especially in cases where the... more