Adoptee

Lately I've been thinking a lot about open adoption. I've been reading lots of blogs and am reading a couple of books on the topic. Meghann shares great information about her open adoption in her blog. This site also has a nice list of articles, discussion lists and lists of other resources on open adoption. This is a great place jumping off point into deeper research. There definitely isn't a shortage of information out there. I've been thinking about this a lot because as my husband and I move forward with our adoption journey we are talking with our agency, and with each other, about what level of openness we are comfortable with. It has been an interesting change… [more]

Lately I've been reading a lot of blogs written by birth mothers. I especially enjoy reading Jenna's blog on this site. Obviously, as an adoptee I spend a lot of time thinking about adoption issues from the adoptee perspective but I'm trying to learn more about all sides of the triad. I am generally disappointed at the lack of attention given to the birth mother experience when reading about adoption. In my mind, birth mothers are the most fundamental piece of the triad and yet the least discussed when browsing the web or reading adoption related materials. I can't begin to truly understand what birth mothers go through but as an adoptee I feel I can… [more]

Today a person asked me what it was like to find my birth mother. I had a good experience so I described what it was like and it wasn't a very exciting or emotional story. The person seemed a little disappointed it was just a rather dull story about how we exchanged letters and then eventually met in person. For me it wasn't like a light bulb was suddenly switched on and my life was magically changed. There was no sun breaking through the clouds, no music playing and no fireworks exploding in the sky. Real life isn't like a Lifetime movie of the week - at least not my life. I think it is common for people who do not have… [more]

This past week I had a discussion with a social worker who conducts home studies for a local adoption agency. We had a great discussion and one topic that came up was the situation where adoptive parents are not forthcoming with adoption information with their child. To me, it seems really obvious that adoptive parents should be as open as possible (using age appropriate language) with their children. However, there are obviously a lot of other people who don't see it that way. The extreme end of this is when adoptive parents completely withhold the fact that a child is adopted. I really cannot even wrap my head around that. Not at all. Courtney discussed this topic in her recent blog… [more]

Throughout most of my adult life therapy has been a very important part of my growth. I've had some good therapists and one GREAT one. I've tried a few that didn't work out because they had no real understanding of adoption issues. Each time I've looked for a therapist I've found it difficult to find a professional with extensive experience with adoption.  Jenna wrote about this issue in her post about finding a therapist that has experience with birth mothers. When members of the adoption triad seek therapy I think it is essential to find someone who specializes in adoption related issues - and the more specialized to a specific situation the better. In my personal experience, therapists… [more]

Since my last two blog posts I've received several emails asking for advice on how to begin the search for a birth parent. I'm not an expert but I do have a few suggestions for starting this journey. First, I think it is important to think through why you want to search. What are you hoping to discover? Are you prepared for the range of possible outcomes? How much effort (and expense) are you willing (or able) to commit at this time? Talk to other adult adoptees about their search (or decision not to search). These may be difficult issues but they are better addressed at the beginning of the journey rather than down the road. Starting a journal may be a… [more]

In my first communication with my birth mom she told me the name of my biological father. They knew each other in college but did not have a long term relationship. He never knew she was pregnant. The fact that he didn't know I existed added another layer of complexity to the searching process. Biological parents know the possibility exists that they may be contacted by their biological child sometime down the road. However, it would be quite shocking to learn you had an adult child - one who is requesting information and/or contact. Again, this is where my story is atypical of most adoptees. Because this man has some limited notoriety I was able to find information about him in newspaper… [more]

As an adoptee I realize that readers want to know my status on searching and contact with my birth parents. I will cover this information over the next few posts since this is a big topic. I have been in contact with my birth mother since 1994. I know who my birth father is but we are not in contact. Growing up I thought about meeting my birth parents but I assumed that because I had so little information there was no way I could find them. It was pre-internet days so I didn't know about registries or investigators or other searching options. Finding their names, let alone contact, seemed unlikely so I didn't dwell on it much. This is… [more]

As soon as found out I’d be writing this blog I knew one of my first topics would be on the book The Primal Wound by Nancy Newton Verrier. I'm happy to see this book has appeared on these blogs before, as in this post by Jenna. This book has been so profound in my life and there is so much I want to say about it that I can't cover it all in one blog post so I plan to periodically write about it. I realize that this book is somewhat controversial, but for me it has been the key to helping me growing into the person I am today. Throughout most of my childhood I… [more]

After reading the adoptions.com blogs for the past year or so, I’m honored to now be part of the blogging team. My name is Stephanie and I will be blogging about adoptee topics and issues. When I think about my adoption there are two intertwined issues. First that I am an adoptee, and second that I am a transracial adoptee. While some of my experiences are universal to most adoptees, I have other experiences that are unique to being a mixed race (aa/cc) child growing up with white parents in a geographic area with virtually no racial diversity. How I understand adoptee issues is greatly impacted by these childhood circumstances. I hope that by sharing my story I will entertain, educate and… [more]