Sealed With a Law

November 24th, 2013
Posted By: on Adoptee

I was adopted¬†from New Jersey, which, like many other states, has sealed records for adoptees with closed adoptions.¬†¬† Year by year, states are starting to open records for adoptees.¬† Every year, I search New Jersey papers online hoping to glimpse, "Adoptee Records to be Unsealed for New Jersey Adoptees." This topic of sealed records is always a hot one in the world of adoption.¬† I have always¬†thought adoptees records being sealed was rediculous, and nobody had a right to do such a thing!¬†¬† I remember back in college, I turned 21, and went out to a bar.¬† I had an out of state license, and the bouncer didn't believe it was legit. I knew he would have an issue, so I brought along my birth certificate.¬† I gave it to him… [more]

Emotions

November 18th, 2013
Posted By: on Adoptee
Categories: Uncategorized

As many people can probably relate to, my hairdresser is the one person who knows everything about me.¬† In a short amount of time, I have spilled my secrets to her.¬† So, naturally when I started on this journey of finding my birth mom and her family, my hairdresser was given a front row seat on the roller coaster.¬† I remember telling her when I found out who my birth mom was.¬† She got so excited an hugged me tight. I was taken aback, I think because I hadn't thought it all the way through, I was still in shock mode.¬† I was still going to that photo of her every 5 minutes and staring at it, amazed that finally I had a reflection staring back at me, and it… [more]

TRA Gratitude Project: Days 4 – 7 (Belated)

November 11th, 2013
Posted By: on Adoptee

BookCover-FindAStranger150x150To catch up on the Gratitude Project, I will cover a few days at a time. I must admit that using micro-blogging sites like Twitter and Facebook makes it easy to pop up a gratitude statement each day. However, I'm hoping that you are returning here, dear readers, for the explanations WHY I'm grateful. Day 4: I'm thankful for adoption resources: books, blogs, etc. Even when I was growing up in the 70's and 80's, there were SOME books about adoption. Now there are multitudes of places to turn. Adoptive parents just have to search them out. I live in western Massachusetts and towns can get pretty spread out from here to there. But even in Western Mass, I've found a surprising amount… [more]

TRA Gratitude Project: Day 3

November 3rd, 2013
Posted By: on Adoptee

MtAiry-1970sIn my previous post, I explain why thanksgiving and gratitude is important to me. And because this is National Adoption Month, I will continue on with my gratitude project "30 Things I'm Grateful/Thankful For..." -- Adoption Edition! Day 3: I'm thankful for the neighborhood where I grew up. It's still a pretty awesome place. I'm a native Philadelphian. Born and raised. And even though I definitely had no control over this, I'm so thankful for my parents' choice of where to live in the greater Philadelphia area. My neighborhood was West Mount Airy -- a northwest section within the city limits of Philadelphia. It's south of Chestnut Hill and north of Germantown. It is famous for its diversity across all categories… [more]

Are My Past Choices Linked to Being Adopted?

October 28th, 2013
Posted By: on Adoptee
Categories: Uncategorized

¬†¬†¬† Before I started the search for who I am, the search for my roots, my life had been full of ups and downs.¬†¬† I am writing this blog because when I was searching for my birth mom, I also started searching for reasons why I¬†made certain decisions in my life, decisions that altered my life in negative ways.¬† I started searching for links from being adopted to my poor¬†choices.¬† I searched and searched, and only came up with little¬†sparks of possible connections, but nothing that came right out in black and white and said, ¬†"this is why you could have done this."¬† I spoke to a counselor about the possible connection, and he said there was a possible connection.¬† So, I thought I would outline my experiences to those… [more]

Life’s Sudden Twists

October 19th, 2013
Posted By: on Adoptee

IMG_0202         Photo from Adoptionblogs.com A Yearning Soul Thoughts rush into my soul My eyes become watery with tears. I wonder if you were wed I wonder where you've been all these years. Emotions rush into my soul My need to know grows strong. In my heart, a hole Please, tell me what went wrong! Why couldn't you keep me? Why did we have to part? I wish that I could see These past feelings of your heart. I'm not angry at you for the choice you made I was adopted by a great mom and dad. My admiration for your choice will never fade but not knowing you at times leaves me sad. Not knowing anything about you All these possibilities in my mind. A search is something I may someday do Maybe one day, my birth mom I will find. I wrote… [more]

The Rest of the Story!

October 14th, 2013
Posted By: on Adoptee

baltazar hLast post I mentioned my search for my two remaining siblings from my birth mother. My next task was to focus on the paternal side of the family. Of my¬†siblings, I share both parents with only my brother John with whom we have not made successful contact. What about my birth father's side of the family? From my birth certificate, he is Hispanic with Mexican roots. Unfortunately, his surname is quite common and I was overwhelmed before starting the process. First step: post on adoption and genealogy websites. Received lots of responses but no connections. A number of months later I received an email asking lots of questions: who are you, when were you born, and what do you know about your… [more]

More family!!!

October 14th, 2013
Posted By: on Adoptee

winter texas 2010 106Last time I mentioned finding my birth mom and oldest sister and my lack of success in contacting my (full) brother, John. Despite those setbacks, I¬†do have a younger brother. After lots of searching, I found the youngest of the clan in West Texas. He is thirteen years my junior¬†and such a neat guy. My older sister and I decided to meet about 11 months after finding each other in the mid-1990's. We decided that San Antonio was mid-way between Ohio and California. We invited Joel, the younger brother, from West Texas. As my sister and I (and our spouses) sat in the San Antonio airport we tried to pick him out of the crowd. I guess we were… [more]

Why Do Grandmothers Give Their Grandchildren Away?

October 3rd, 2013
Posted By: on Adoptee

A couple of weeks ago, I had the pleasure of seeing Joyce Maguire Pavao in London. When I traveled the United States in Spring 2012 on a Winston Churchill Travel Fellowship, making contact with Joyce was central to my project being a success. She opened up professional networks to me that I would have otherwise had no contact with. For me, Joyce became a mentor. Her enthusiasm and support meant a great deal. More than that, I‚Äôm very glad to have made a good friend in Joyce. It was Joyce that said to me ‚ÄúYou not only need to ask the grandmothers who decided to keep their grand-children why they did that, you need to ask the grandmothers who decided to give to give… [more]

Avoiding the Undertow

October 2nd, 2013
Posted By: on Adoptee
Categories: Emotions, Issues, Preparing

NEW UNDERTOW FLAGKnowing it is a difficult pill to swallow, I nonetheless have to highly recommend seeking emotional healing prior to beginning an adoptive parent search. I'm not downplaying the healing role of a successful outcome, but at the same time, we have to take into consideration the fact that not all searches have happy endings and¬†I'd like you to be ready for that. So, be prepared by taking the necessary steps toward healing and at least be in 'healing mode' prior to beginning your search. This is a protective measure that will strengthen and then help safeguard your heart. I recommend, at the very least, talking to someone you trust, who is stable in their own life, and… [more]